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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Casting The First Stone

    | Elizabethtown, PA, USA | Religion, Top

    (A customer comes through my check-out line looking agitated.)

    Customer: “How dare you work on a sacred day of rest!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Today is Sunday! Why are you here? You should be in church, you blasphemous heathen! Why are you here?”

    Me: “I’m working on Sunday because there are customers that want to buy groceries on Sundays.”

    (The customer immediately shut up and didn’t speak for the rest of the time I rang up his groceries).

    Press One For Faster Service

    , | CA, USA |

    (I am taking orders on a headset while also taking money at the window. A customer drives up to my speaker.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “No hablo inglés!”

    Me: “Un momento…”

    (I take the money from the customer at the window, planning to get a Spanish speaking manager as soon as I can. After a few minutes…)

    Customer: “Okay, fine! I speak English!”

    Blocks UV-A, UV-B, And Omega-3

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

    (I am standing at the cash registers when a customer approaches me with two bottles of sunscreen.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could you tell me the difference between these two?”

    (I explain to her they are different brands, different prices, and of different SPF.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay. But is one of them fat free?”

    Readin’, Ritin’, And Retrievin’

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    Me: “Good morning, you have reached [high school]. How can I help you?”

    Parent: “My son left his cell phone at the convenience store three blocks over. Can you go get it?”

    A Dogged Request

    | Oregon, USA |

    (My boss, the groomer, does a thing called “stripping”, which is basically plucking the hairs off the body of a wiry-haired dog with a special brush. My coworker answers the phone and I’m right there listening to the conversation. It’s a man who owns an Irish Terrier.)

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to speak to your stripper!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I need to make an appointment with your stripper!”

    Coworker: “Um, do you mean our groomer?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what you’re saying. I need the stripper to strip my Irish dog!”

    Coworker: “All right. I’m just gonna put you on hold so I can put the…stripper…on the line.”


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