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    When Pigs Pork, You Get Pig

    | UK | Food & Drink

    (I am working the customer services counter. A customer walks up and throws down a packet of pigs liver.)

    Customer: “I want a packet of pork liver, but I can only find pigs’ liver. Why don’t you stock it?!”

    Me: “Pigs’ liver is pork liver. Pork comes from a pig. It is the same thing. I can take you to our butcher to explain this if you want.”

    Customer: “You think I was born yesterday? They are not the same thing. And, even if they are, I want it to say pork liver.”

    Me: “Pigs and pork are the same.”

    Customer: “They are not!” *throws the liver at me and storms out the door*

    User Error, User Fate

    , | Kansas, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am working a very busy drive-thru. A 20-something year old woman has requested a very complicated ice cream order: a small milkshake, made with vanilla ice cream with caramel, hot fudge, peanuts, and snickers on top, unblended, in a medium cup. It takes me a minute to figure out how to enter this in the computer. By the time the woman has paid, her ice cream has been made correctly, but in the normal small cup.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like this has already been made in the small cup. Is that okay?”

    Customer: “No, I specifically asked for a medium so it won’t spill.”

    Me: “Well, I can put a lid on it. Will that work?”

    Customer: “No, I have to eat it now. Can you just dump it into a medium cup?”

    Me: “I can scrape it into a bigger cup, but the toppings won’t be on top anymore.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    (Searching for something to satisfy her, I find a cup sleeve that adds extra room to the top and fit it into her ice cream cup.)

    Customer: “Will it spill?”

    Me: “Well, it’s a removable sleeve. But if you keep it in there, the ice cream won’t spill.”

    Customer: “But I have to eat it right now. Are you sure it won’t spill?”

    Me: “If you spill it, ma’am, it will spill.”

    This Isn’t Team Jacob

    | NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    (In our ice cream shop, we have a deal where kids can get an ice cream cone with free sprinkles if they wear their team uniform. This is written on a big sign on the window. A family buys ice cream, and I charge them for sprinkles.)

    Customer: “Hey! You! Come over here!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

    Customer: “Read this sign to me.”

    Me: “Get an ice cream cone with free sprinkles–”

    Customer: “Exactly! Free sprinkles! You charged me for these. Can’t you read?”

    Me: “Get an ice cream cone with free sprinkles if you wear your team uniform.”

    Customer: “Oh, well this is my team uniform!”

    (He’s wearing a black t-shirt and jeans.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s not going to work.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m never coming back here again!”

    In Need Financial Coaching

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Money

    Member: “Can you refund the overdraft fee you guys charged me? I’m a struggling single mother and my kids won’t be able to eat tonight unless you refund that. Do you want my children to starve?”

    Me: “I will be happy to look into that for you. Was the most recent transaction fraudulent or otherwise improper?”

    Member: “No.”

    (I look at the account to see that she has overdrafted her account due to a $300 purchase at the Coach Outlet. Not exactly a prudent purchase for a struggling single mother.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I will not be able to refund that fee for you at this time.”

    Member: “My children are going to go to bed hungry tonight! I hope you sleep well tonight with that on your mind!” *hangs up*

    Like There’s No Tomorrow

    | Goffstown, NH, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer has called to ask if we carry an over the counter soap in our store.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am? I just checked and we do carry [brand] soap. However, we are all out of stock right now, but we could order some for you and it would come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “You don’t carry [brand]?”

    Me: “We do carry it. We just don’t have it in right now.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “Because other customers have purchased it. But we can order some for tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Well, how long will that take?”

    Me: “It’ll come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “So, how many days will that be?”


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