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    The Price Was A Steal

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m watching the register for a coworker on his break. A young man enters the store and sets a paper bag on the counter.)

    Customer: “I need to do a return.” *empties contents of bag onto the counter*

    (I pick up the two gas fittings: one has a tag, the other is completely stripped and destroyed. I look at the receipt and the one with the tag isn’t on it.)

    Me: “Sir, this fitting isn’t on this receipt. Did you have another receipt for it?”

    Customer: “No. I don’t have a receipt for it because I didn’t pay for it.”

    Me: *stunned* “Wh-what? Did… did you just take it then?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was going to pay for it and I realized I didn’t have enough money to buy it, so I just took it home. But it didn’t fit, either. So my buddy came out and fixed the problem for me and I don’t need it anymore. Sorry.”

    Me: “Oh, um, well… okay. I’m just going to keep this one, then.”

    (I take the stolen fitting and place it in the return box, but then I look at the other fitting.)

    Me: “You really did a number on this one, though.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it was the wrong thread, I think. I tried to twist it on but I ended up stripping it.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t return this it since you destroyed it. It’s yours for life now.”

    (I hand him back his receipt and the broken fitting.)

    Customer: “Well, I thought I’d try anyway. Thank you.” *leaves*

    (The next customer in line is just as stunned as I am. He sets his things on the counter and watches the young man leave.)

    Customer: “Did he just return something he stole and apologized for it because it was the wrong size?”

    (I nod.)

    Customer: “Man, makes you wonder what he would have done if he actually stole the right part!”

    Christmas Jeer

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (The store I work at is normally open 24/7, but we are closing on Christmas Eve and won’t reopen until the morning of December 26th. As we get ready to close, we are asking the last customers to make sure the door closes firmly behind them so that more people can’t get in.)

    Me: “Thanks for coming in today; have a great holiday! If you don’t mind, could you please make sure the door shuts all the way when you leave? We’re actually closed now.”

    Customer: “But you guys are open 24 hours right?”

    Me: “Normally we are, but we’re closing for the holiday so our employees can spend it with their families.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s just stupid!”

    Venting About Ventis

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m a semi-regular patron of a local coffee shop. I witness this exchange taking place.)

    Customer: “I’ll take a venti caramel machiatto, a venti iced peppermint mocha, and a venti butterscotch latte.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, we don’t offer any of those flavors apart from the peppermint mocha.”

    Customer: “Well, of course you offer those. I was just looking at your online menu.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, we have never offered venti sizing. We just call it large. And we have never offered caramel machiatto or butterscotch lattes. I’m not sure any coffee shop offers butterscotch lattes.”

    Customer: “I want a f***ing caramel machiatto and a butterscotch latte!”

    Cashier: “If you’ll look at the menu, we do offer a salted caramel.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a f***ing salted caramel. I can’t have salt; I’m on a no-salt diet. Let me speak to your manager.”

    (The manager is called, and repeats the same thing the cashier has been saying.)

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you won’t just f***ing make me my f***ing coffee order. It isn’t that difficult! Three venti coffees, one a caramel machiatto, one an iced peppermint mocha, and one a butterscotch latte. For f***’s sake, I order the same thing every day!”

    Manager: “That isn’t possible, as we don’t offer two of those drinks. I think you want the [popular coffee chain] down the road.”

    Customer: “No, I always come here and get those three drinks! I want my f***ing coffee and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

    (Finally, I’ve had enough, and I speak up.)

    Me: “Ma’am, they’ve told numerous times that they don’t offer those drinks. You don’t seem to get it, so I’m going to explain it again. This shop does not offer caramel machiattos or butterscotch lattes. They do not refer to their larges as ‘venti’. I’m sure they would be happy to make you a large iced peppermint mocha, but they cannot make you the other drinks. You would have to go somewhere else for them.”

    Customer: “I’m not leaving until I get my f***ing drinks!”

    Me: “Then you’ll be waiting an awfully long time. Meanwhile, there is a line behind you, and I’m now twenty minutes late for class, so if you would kindly get out of the way so I can order?”

    (The customer mutters about the quality of service and swears not to come back, but leaves.)

    Manager: *to me* “Whatever you’re getting, it’s on the house for getting rid of her. Just don’t try to order a venti.”

    GTFO

    Say Please

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