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    In The Patient Out Hole

    | Nottingham, England, UK | Health & Body

    Me: “Are you likely to receive any in-patient treatment in the next 3 months?”

    Caller: “No, I’m booked in for a colonoscopy, but that’ll just be an in and out!”

    (I had to put the customer on hold for a few moments whilst I composed myself!)

    You’re Driving Me Strawberry And Bananas

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m taking orders at a coffee shop.)

    Me: “What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Strawberry banana smoothie.”

    Me: “What size would you like?”

    Customer: “Strawberry banana.”

    Me: “Yep, and what size?”

    Customer: “Strawberry banana.”

    Me: “But what size would you like?”

    Customer: “STRAWBERRY BANANA.”

    Me: *trying another approach* “Would you like a large or a small?”

    Customer: “Medium!”

    Courtesy Is For Commoners

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (A mom and her 3 year old daughter come up to my counter.)

    Customer: “Tell the lady what you want, sweetie.”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I want an ICEE!”

    Customer: “What do you say?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “And make it fast!”

    Customer: “What?! You do NOT say that! We are talking to your father when we get home!”

    Social Insecurity, Part 2

    | USA | Bizarre

    (I am working a counter at a carry-out pizza place when this happens. Note: we use phone numbers to identify orders.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to order a pizza to take.”

    Me: “Okay, can I have your phone number please?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Sorry for having to ask. It’s just what we use to make sure you get the right order.”

    Customer: “No! Hackers and the government are always trying to track me!”

    Me: “It’s fine, sir. I’ll just use our store’s phone number instead.”

    Customer: *calms down* “Alright.”

    (Satisfied, the customer pays and waits in his car for the order. Being nice, I carry it to him.)

    Me: “Here is your order, sir.”

    Customer: “Thank you. Say, can you throw this away for me?” *hands me papers mixed with trash*

    Me: “No problem…”

    (As he drives away, I notice he’s handed me expired car insurance papers and an old bank statement. So much for protecting his identity!)

    Related:
    Social Insecurity

    Weekend Roundup: Spelling Disasters

    , , , | Not Always Right | Language & Words, Roundups

    Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!

    1. Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
      E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
    2. It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
      Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
    3. I Have Lost A Dream:
      A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
    4. Congra-duh-lations:
      Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
    5. Spelling Gone Rogue:
      Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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