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    Team Cougar, Part 2

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Movies & TV

    (I work ticketing at a movie theater. A middle-aged woman and her daughter approach me.)

    Customer: “We’d like two tickets to…what are we going to see?”

    Daughter: “It’s Breaking Dawn.”

    Customer: “I’ve been calling it Sexy Vampires all day.”

    Related:
    Team Cougar

    We Call This A Flirting Faux Pas

    , | Shelton, CT, USA |

    (I’m a new employee at a convenience store. I’m French and my accent is quite noticeable. A regular walks in.)

    Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh, a newbie. I like your accent. French?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “I had a French girl once. I should have never let her go.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “I know one phrase. Je t’aime. Say it.”

    Me: “Okay…Je t’aime.

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means, ‘I love you.’”

    Regular: *triumphantly* “I made you say that you love me!”

    Me: *speechless*

    You Got The Wrong(est) Audition

    , | California, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working a register as a odd looking man approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sexy, I have a complaint.”

    (I just ignore the “sexy” part and move on.)

    Me: “What’s the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “That’s not your line! Do you want me in this f***ing porno or what?!”

    Me: “Excuse me?!”

    Customer: “You aren’t the girl, are you?”

    Me: “Um…I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay, then! Have a good day, miss! God bless you!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    The Devil’s Logic

    | Pune, India | At The Checkout

    (I am a customer checking out at a famous Indian supermarket. To make things faster, I am putting the stuff from my cart onto the conveyor belt. Among my purchases is a pack of condoms.)

    Customer behind me: “I can’t believe you are buying condoms! Don’t you know that sex is evil? Only the devil does it!”

    (I am kind of taken aback, but I reply with an evil twinkle in my eye.)

    Me: “Well, if sex is only for the devil and I don’t use condoms, then you’ll be seeing the devil’s kid next year!”

    Customer behind me: *crosses himself and stares at me until I leave the store*

    The Freudian Drive-thru

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (This is an ice cream shop with a drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, two burgers with bacon.”

    Me: “Sir, we actually don’t have burgers…just ice cream.”

    (Upon hearing this, the customer looks up to see the burger chain next door.)

    Customer: “How did I end up in this line?!”

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