The Hard-Ball Explanation

| Lexington, KY, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

(I am a volunteer at an equine rescue center. I am giving a barn tour to a customer’s wife while the manager shows him a horse outside. This morning, we received a stallion and he’s been kept inside until the vet can neuter or ‘geld’ him.)

Me: “And this is [horse name]. He just came in this morning.”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, he’s pretty! Why isn’t he out with the others?”

Me: “Oh, he’s still a stallion.”

Customer’s Wife: *blank stare*

Me: “He hasn’t been gelded yet.”

Customer’s Wife: “I’m sorry dear, I don’t understand horse language.”

Me: “Neutered?”

Customer’s Wife: *blank stare*

Me: “He is going to get his boy parts chopped off, ma’am.”

Customer’s Wife: *blushes* “I should go see how my husband is doing…”

Sign Up For A Rewards Karma

| Concord, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

(The store is having a big sale on all dog costumes because it’s 10 days away from Halloween. You must have our rewards card, which is free, to get the sale price.)

Me: “Alright, do you have a rewards card? The costume is on sale today.”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Are you sure? You could save a bit of money. It’s completely free to sign up.”

Customer: “I said no! God! You people!”

Me: *taken aback* “Alright. Your total is $16.99.”

Customer: *mumbles* “Stupid cards.”

(She takes her receipt and starts gathering her things as I ring up the next customer, who is also buying a costume.)

Me: “Alright, that’ll be $4.49.”

Customer: “Hey! Why is hers so cheap?!”

Next Customer: “Because I used the free card you rudely refused, after she tried to save you money.”

(I try not to laugh as the rude customer storms out of the store, leaving her pet’s costume at my register. My thanks to the next customer who said what I couldn’t!)

How Sweet It Is To Be In Line By You

| KY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(My three-year-old daughter and I are waiting to check out with a few odds and ends. Unfortunately, the store has only one lane open and several people are waiting in line. I don’t mind, as my daughter and I decide to pass the time playfully sword-fighting with paint stirrers. When I turn to the side, I notice the couple behind me has just one little ream of Post-Its.)

Me: *to the couple behind me* “Would you like to go ahead of us? You’ve got much fewer items than we do!”

Lady: “But…you have a kid!”

Me: “It’s fine! We’re just playing together! Go ahead!”

Lady: “But kids sometimes get bored of waiting. Are you sure?”

Me: “Of course! You just have one thing! She’ll be fine; I promise! C’mon, go ahead!” *I scoot aside*

Lady: “Wow! Thanks!”

(When it’s time for them to check out, the man holds up his hand to the cashier.)

Man: “I’ll be right back!”

(He scrambles over to the next aisle and picks up a package of M&Ms to add to the order. After paying, the man turns around with the package of candy and hands it to my daughter.)

Man: “Here you go, kiddo!” *to me* “Thanks again for letting us go ahead of you!”

(It really put a smile on the cashier’s face…and ours too!)

Makes You Want To Throw In The Towel

| KY, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(Two coworkers are discussing the recent Black Friday sale.)

Coworker #1: “I just heard two women arguing in the towel section.”

Coworker #2: “Over what?”

Coworker #1: “The towels. Apparently, they are a hot item this year.”

Coworker #2: “What do you mean?”

Coworker #1: “One lady was quicker than the other, so she snagged the towel when another lady also wanted the same one. They argued over it until the first lady broke the second lady’s finger.”

Coworker #2: *shakes head* “Over a towel!”

Just Not Registering

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(At my store, if a customer swipes their credit or debit card early, it can freeze the entire register. There’s usually a 10-15 second delay after telling the customer the final price and before they can swipe, but for some that’s too long to wait. The EFTPOS machines clearly display ‘PLEASE WAIT’ during the time the customer has to wait.)

Me: “That will be $42.90. How would you like to pay for that today?”

Customer: “On my card.”

Me: “All right, please wait while the computer connects to the EFTPOS machine. I’ll let you know when to swipe.”

Customer: *ignores me and swipes her card immediately*

Me: “Please wait until I or the EFTPOS machine asks for your card.”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry.”

Customer: *swipes her card again*

Me: “Ma’am, if you swipe early, it freezes the register, taking even longer. It will only be another ten seconds.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! Do you think I’m stupid? I’ve worked in retail before!”

Me: “I assure you—”

Customer: *swipes her card again, freezing the register* “This isn’t working!”

Me: “That’s because the register’s frozen.”

(I page for a coworker and a manager to come to the registers. The coworker is there right away.)

Coworker: “Hey, what’s up?”

Me: “My register’s frozen. Could you please put this lady through yours?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

Customer: “But I’m in a hurry!”

Me: “I’m aware of that, but it will be quicker than waiting for my register to restart.”

(The customer goes to the register next to me where my coworker has already re-scanned her purchases.)

Coworker: “That will be $42.90. Please don’t swipe your card until I tell you to, as it can freeze the registers.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m not stupid!”

(My manager arrives.)

Manager: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Nothing. I just need you to restart my register for me as it’s frozen.”

Manager: “How?”

Me: “Um… EFTPOS swiped too early.”

Manager: “Didn’t you tell the customer not to swipe? Why didn’t you tell the customer not to swipe? I’m sick of this; you girls know that if the customer swipes their card early, it will freeze the registers! I’m sick of wasting my time having to restart your registers!”

Me: “Maybe if we were allowed to face the EFTPOS machines towards us, then the customer wouldn’t be able to swipe early?”

Manager: “No, that will only slow things down. You have to tell them not to swipe early!”

(Meanwhile my customer is again trying to swipe her card early right next to me, and my coworker has leaned over the counter with her hand OVER the EFTPOS machine trying to stop her from doing so.)

Customer: *to manager* “Hey, your girl won’t let me swipe my card!”

Manager: “You have to wait until she tells you, otherwise it freezes the registers.”

Customer: “Oh, really? Why didn’t anyone tell me that?!”

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