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    For The FBI, The M.O. On This PDF Is TBD

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    Customer: “My pedophile won’t print.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I sent my pedophile to print but it won’t come out the printer.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean PDF file? As in Adobe PDF?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that.”

    Makeup Quiz For A Madeup Flu

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, School

    (A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)

    Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”

    Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”

    Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”

    Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”

    Open Doors May Require Open Minds

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid

    Visitor: “Excuse me, miss, is that a door?” *points to the door as two people walk through it*

    Me: “Yes?”

    Visitor: “Oh…well, can I walk through it?”

    Me: “Yup, you sure can.”

    Visitor: “Are you sure? I don’t remember there being a door here before.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that you are staring at a real door and it is perfectly safe to use.”

    Visitor: “I’m confused. I’m just going to use the doors downstairs.”

    Mommy Says All Men Are Evil

    | Bridgeport, CT, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (A three-year-old boy is playing with some dolls at the day care center and separating them into families.)

    Boy: “And this is the mommy, and this is the daughter, and this is the other mommy, and this is the son and the daughter, and this is the other mommy–”

    Worker: “Where are all the daddies?”

    Boy: “They’re in jail.”

    Now Selling The War On Germs, Aisle 5

    | Newton, MA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am working at a register. I use my t-shirt sleeve to clear my eyes. As I am doing this, a customer walks up with her groceries. She whips out a bottle of sanitizer and grabs my hand and sprays a lot of sanitizer on it.)

    Customer: “Rub it in! What you just did is dangerous to me and everyone else around!”

    (I rub it in because I didn’t want to argue. As I’m doing this, another cashier comes over to help me. She is Filipino. After a couple seconds, the customer looks over at her.)

    Customer: “Is it okay in your country to pick your nose and wipe it all over someone else? Because it isn’t okay in mine!”


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