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    Why Woodn’t I Think Of That

    | New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I just want a 2x4x20, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t stock 2x4x20′s, but I can sell you a couple 10 foot pieces. That still covers the footage if you can make that work.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Ah! No, kid, it doesn’t work like that! What I will do, though, is take two 10 foot pieces.”

    Me: “Brilliant idea, sir.”

    Not In Ermurica

    , | Minnesota, USA | Bigotry

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company], this is [name]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Do you speak English?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Are you in Ermurica?”

    Me: “Yes, I am in America.”

    Caller: “You don’t sound like you’re an Ermurican. You sure you’re not in some Middle Eastern country like Australia?”

    (Note: I am a caucasian male from Minnesota and I speak like one.)

    Me: “No, I am in Minnesota, sir, speaking English. Is there an issue with your cable, or do you have–”

    Caller: “Minnesota?! How is that Ermurican?” *hangs up*

    What Happens In Vegas, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Bizarre

    (A male customer in his late twenties, who I recognize as one of our regulars, enters the store flamboyantly. He is usually a very high-energy person, so this is nothing out of the ordinary.)

    Me: “What’s up, [customer]?”

    (He walks up to the counter and slams a huge wad of American money down in front of me.)

    Customer: “Guess how much is there. If you guess right, you can have it.”

    Me: “Uh…$3500?”

    Customer: “Nope! It was $2500! You were close though!”

    (All of the sudden, I smell the distinct scent of weed. I realize he’s totally high.)

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “So, what are you doing with all that money?”

    Customer: “I’m going to Vegas, baby! Also, I need to pick up that fax you got for me.”

    (I retrieve the fax. As I’m doing so, an elderly woman walks into the store. My manager comes out to help her at the other end of the counter.)

    Customer: “Okay, thanks! I have to leave now. I need to get all the way to the airport!”

    Me: “All right, then. Have a good time in Vegas.”

    (He walks out, then comes back in a second later as he’s forgotten his car keys on the counter. As he’s leaving again, he stops in front of the door and turns back to face us.)

    Customer: “Woo! I’m going to get herpes!”

    Related:
    What Happens In Vegas

    An Omnipotent And Bolivian God

    | Surrey, BC, Canada |

    (The church I work at often gets people from the local community asking for financial aid. In order to help us best assess their need we require them to fill out an informational form.)

    Me: “Good morning, [church name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “‘Till when is the office open? I need to come in and fill out one of those Bolivian forms.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, a Bolivian form? Do you maybe mean a form for our upcoming India trip?”

    Caller: “No, [pastor] told me to come in to fill out a Bolivian form.”

    Me: “Oh! A benevolent form!”

    Caller: “That’s what I said, a Bolivian form!”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 5

    | California, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like a kid’s bean and cheese burrito.”

    Me: “Alright, would you like a fountain drink, juice, or milk?”

    Customer: *turns to her child* “Okay, do you want soda or juice?”

    Customer’s daughter: “I just want water.”

    Customer: “But soda’s better for you!”

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid


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