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    This Isn’t Team Jacob

    | NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    (In our ice cream shop, we have a deal where kids can get an ice cream cone with free sprinkles if they wear their team uniform. This is written on a big sign on the window. A family buys ice cream, and I charge them for sprinkles.)

    Customer: “Hey! You! Come over here!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

    Customer: “Read this sign to me.”

    Me: “Get an ice cream cone with free sprinkles–”

    Customer: “Exactly! Free sprinkles! You charged me for these. Can’t you read?”

    Me: “Get an ice cream cone with free sprinkles if you wear your team uniform.”

    Customer: “Oh, well this is my team uniform!”

    (He’s wearing a black t-shirt and jeans.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s not going to work.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m never coming back here again!”

    In Need Financial Coaching

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Money

    Member: “Can you refund the overdraft fee you guys charged me? I’m a struggling single mother and my kids won’t be able to eat tonight unless you refund that. Do you want my children to starve?”

    Me: “I will be happy to look into that for you. Was the most recent transaction fraudulent or otherwise improper?”

    Member: “No.”

    (I look at the account to see that she has overdrafted her account due to a $300 purchase at the Coach Outlet. Not exactly a prudent purchase for a struggling single mother.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I will not be able to refund that fee for you at this time.”

    Member: “My children are going to go to bed hungry tonight! I hope you sleep well tonight with that on your mind!” *hangs up*

    Like There’s No Tomorrow

    | Goffstown, NH, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer has called to ask if we carry an over the counter soap in our store.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am? I just checked and we do carry [brand] soap. However, we are all out of stock right now, but we could order some for you and it would come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “You don’t carry [brand]?”

    Me: “We do carry it. We just don’t have it in right now.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “Because other customers have purchased it. But we can order some for tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Well, how long will that take?”

    Me: “It’ll come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “So, how many days will that be?”

    Beware Of The Pink Perv

    | Oregon, USA |

    (At the cell phone company I work for, there is a notorious caller, referred to by us all as “The Pink Pencil Guy”. New hires are warned of him in training. He doesnt even have an account. He just calls from untraceable phones. He only talks to female employees. I’ve talked to him twice. This is how my first encounter with him goes.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I have a pink Motorola RAZR and I need you to help me change my ringtone. On my pink RAZR.”

    Me: “Okay, I can do that. Do you have–”

    Caller: “But first, I need you to tell me to get my pink pencil and my pink pad of paper.”

    Me: “I can’t do that.”

    Caller: “Just tell me to get my pink pencil and pink pad of paper, now!”

    (He eventually gives up and ends the call, which was good for me: when he’s lucky to get a rep who will play along, he’ll get more and more sexual about it for as long as he can get away with it.)

    Beauty Is Only Emotion Deep

    | Westminster, MD, USA |

    (It’s my first day at work and I’m bagging for a coworker. An elderly man comes up to the register and blatantly stares at me.)

    Customer: “You’re beautiful.”

    Me: “Well, thank you!”

    Customer: “But you have a mean look on your face.”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about. I’ve been doing nothing but smiling the entire time.)

    Me: “I’m, sorry?”

    Customer: “It’s okay. You have a beautiful face and a beautiful soul…and a beautiful aura. A very, very beautiful aura.”

    Me: “Er, thank you?”

    Customer: “But you just look so mean! Why can’t you look happy, beautiful?”

    (This goes on for another few minutes before my coworker steps in to save me. I can’t wait to work tomorrow.)


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