Making A Spectacle Of Himself

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(I am a manager at a small sunglasses store in a mall. I am not currently in the store.)

Customer: “Yo, clean these for me.”

(He throws the glasses at the clerk.)

Clerk: “Oh, okay. Here let me get a cloth and the cleaning spray.”

(The glasses land on the ground because they were thrown.)

Clerk: “Let me get those, and get them clean for y—”

Customer: “B****, you wrecked my glasses! The icon’s missing; you owe me a brand new pair!”

(Icons fit on the side of the glasses to jazz them up.)

Clerk: “Sir, you threw your glasses at me. I didn’t even see if you had the icons. Let’s look and see if there’s one on the floor here.”

(The clerk very patiently starts searching, even going so far as to get a broom and try and sweep under displays, just in case.)

Customer: “You wrecked my glasses; give me a new pair now!”

Clerk: “Sir, I can’t do that. Your glasses are right here; they’re fine. You know what? I’ll find you another pair of icons, on me, for the trouble.”

(Icons cost $15 a pair. My staff know that we’d authorize them to take a loss on such a small item to make a customer’s day.)

Customer: “B****, these were special order. I’m not leaving until you give me two pairs of these sunglasses to make up for you f****** up.”

Clerk: “I’m not giving you any sunglasses. I offered you a free pair of icons. Don’t swear at me again, or I will call security and have you escorted out.”

Customer: “Get your manager now, b****!”

(I live across the street from the mall. My staff knows I’ll come over for any reason. My clerk calls me, and I can hear she’s almost crying. I tell her I’ll be there in 10 minutes. The clerk hangs up with me and tells the customer.)

Customer: “I ain’t got 10 minutes to wait for some other b**** to get here. Give me two pairs of glasses to make up for this s***, NOW!”

Clerk: “Look, I’m not giving you anything. I’ll tell you now, my manager’s not going to give you anything either. If you can’t wait for her, leave me your name and number, and I’ll have her call you.”

Customer: “Alright, you tell that b**** to call me, and I’ll get my free glasses.”

Clerk: “Alright, can I have your name and number?”

Customer: “No, you can’t have my personal info. Who the f*** do you think you are?”

Clerk: “I need your name and number if you want the manager to call you.”

Customer: “Alright, you tell that b**** my name is Mutha-f**** Jones.”

(The customer stomps out. I arrive a couple minutes later to an empty store, save for a shaken clerk.)

Me: “Where’s the guy who’s freaking out?”

Clerk: “He said he couldn’t wait, but you can call him to discuss it. Here’s his info.”

(She hands me a card with his name on it.)

Me: “Seriously?”

Clerk: “Yep. Maybe you can call 411 and get them to look up Mr Jones for you.”

Me: “I’ll get right on that.”

(I look at the security footage, and am pretty sure he doesn’t have the icons to begin with. The crazy dude actually comes back. I call security and give him h*** for trying to scam my clerk.)

So Many Stupid Questions

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Driving The Point Home

| Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Theme Of The Month

Customer #1: “Man, that’s a nice car. I’d love to have it.”

(I glance out the window and see my brother’s friend pull up to a gas pump in his ’69 Chevelle. He is a young black man. I am grinning as I turn to the two of them.)

Me: “Don’t even ask if he’ll sell it to you, because he won’t do it.”

Customer #2: “Hmph. I wonder how someone like him got a nice car like that.”

Me: “His family brought it with them when they moved here from California. It was basically a piece of junk, but he restored it with his dad.”

Customer #2: “Oh, is that so? How would you know?”

Me: “Yes, that’s so. He’s a good guy, and happens to be one of my brother’s best friends. He and his cousin would come to our house all the time when we were in high school, and they’re both like brothers to me. I don’t like that you’re trying to imply he got that car by stealing it, or doing something illegal to get it, just because he’s black!”

Customer #2: “Well, I… I… uh…”

(Customer #2 leaves quickly. Customer #1 is left laughing.)

Me: “Serves him right for being a bigot!”

Sounds Like Hell’s Kitchen

| New York, NY, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I receive a call from an irate customer demanding a manager. I page one over.)

Manager: “Yes, ma’am… Dear me! I am truly sorry to hear that ma’am. When did this take place?… And do you remember who it was who helped you?… Well, do you remember anything about them physically?”

(He pulls out his notepad, and jots down the following: BLONDE, MALE, OVER SIX FEET TALL, PALE SKIN, GREEN EYES, MOLE ON CHEEK, DIRTY SUIT. By the end, he’s looking at the list in disbelief.)

Manager: “Um… ma’am, are you sure this happened at [kitchen store]?… No of course not! But you see, there’s no one working here who fits the description you’ve given me… Well for starters, we don’t have any blonde males working here… Okay, well did they have black or brown hair then?… Well, again ma’am, do you remember anything definite?… Ma’am, I’m sorry for the trauma you suffered, but there are currently 30 employees working here… I need something more than… What?… No, ma’am, I will not brutally interrogate each and every one of them to find out if maybe one of them helped you pick out a knife! If you can remember anything definite about who it was you encountered here, I will do all I can to help… excuse me?… Ma’am, if you don’t stop with the racial slurs, I’m going to terminate this call… Very well, then this is officially a legal matter and I can no longer talk to you. Have a nice day!”

(He hangs up, and takes an enormous breath.)

Manager: “Okay, well this is going to make for an interesting week.”

(He takes his notes, and heads into his office.)

The Sweetest Thing Isn’t The Candy

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(A young boy—about seven or eight years old—walks up to my register. He is all alone, and without his parents.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

(The boy puts $7 on the counter.)

Boy: “Hi, ma’am, do I have enough money to buy this candy?”

Me: “Yes, you do, and you have some left over!”

Boy: “Oh, really? Well do I have enough to buy two?”

Me: “Yes, you do!”

Boy: “Alright, I’ll get two! My brother is sick today, and he couldn’t come to the movie. I want to get him something so he doesn’t feel left out.”

Me: “That’s very nice of you!”

Boy: “I just felt bad for him. Well, thank you very much, ma’am. I really appreciate it. Have a good day!”

(He is the nicest customer I have all day, not to mention the youngest!)

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