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    Papa’s Not Home

    , | Niceville, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    (This takes place between my manager and a customer over the phone.)

    Caller: “Hey, is John there?”

    Manager: “Sorry sir, this is [pizza place]. There’s no John here.”

    Caller: “Stop playin’, John, we’re supposed to go to the movies soon.”

    Manager: “Sir, seriously, this is [pizza place]. I think you may have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Well, crap! Do y’all have any deals?”

    Manager: “Well, you can get a large 3 topping and a 2-liter for $10.60.”

    Caller: “D***, that’s better than John!”

    Manager: “Yes, sir, it sure is.”

    Not Always Right: Story of the Year

    | Not Always Right |

    Not Always Right: Story of the YearHappy New Year, folks!

    We know customers have driven you crazy in 2011, but we’d like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy days to read and share your stories!

    In celebration of the New Year, we’re asking you to vote on the Not Always Right Story of the Year!

    Step #1: Below are 3 of the top stories for 2011. Read each story by clicking on its link. Then, return to this page for Step #2.

    Step #2: Place your vote below.

    Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.

    Don’t forget to share the stories above with your friends and ask them to vote on the story they think is the funniest!

    Please Follow us on Twitter and Like us on Facebook—we’ll announce the winners there!

    And…We’re Still Here (Happy New Year, Everyone!)

    | Vermont, USA | Bizarre

    (A customer, more intent on small talk than shopping, wanders into the bakery.)

    Customer: “So, you have a stove in your bakery?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: “I run a thrift store. We’re looking for stoves. I’m gonna need a stove when I move.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m building a church up on the mountain for when the famine hits. People will need a place to go, y’know?”

    Me: “Um…yeah…that’s a good idea.”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’ll be a church and thrift shop. Gotta diversify. You should do more than just baking at your bakery.”

    Me: “We’ll take that into consideration…”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was talking to my boss. You know how everyone thinks the world will end in 2012? Well, my boss told me to change that to 2011 in the US!”

    Me: “Oh.”

    Customer: “Yeah, there’s going to be a huge famine and everyone is going to die!”

    Me: “Well, thanks for the warning. Have a nice day!”

    The Solemnest Guarantee

    | Chesterfield, Missouri, USA | At The Checkout

    Me: “Okay, what form of payment would you like to use?”

    Customer: “Credit, please.” *hands me credit card with photo on card*

    (I hold up the card to ensure it’s the right person.)

    Customer: “Trust me, there are no two people in this world this ugly.”

    Supply And Demand For Dummies

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do have any more [brand name] chicken noodle soup mix?

    (The shelf is empty, so I look around to see if we have any hidden on the shelf.)

    Me: “There is none here. Let me go check the backroom.”

    (I go check and come back a few minutes later)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not have any left.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? Who runs out of chicken noodle soup in the middle of winter?”

    Me: “Well, it is the middle of winter…”

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