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    Nature’s Calling, Please Don’t Answer

    | Langley, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    (I work on a berry farm and we have U-pick on the farm. While working in U-pick, I come across a woman and her son walking in the small wooded area beside one of the strawberry fields.)

    Me: “Hi, ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice you walking through the trees here. Are you looking for someone?”

    Customer: “Oh, hi. Um, no…we aren’t looking for anyone.”

    (She continues to walk away from me.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to come back to the strawberry field now. This wooded area is actually not on farm property.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. We’ll be quick. My son just needs to poop.”

    Me: “Oh! Actually, we ask that you don’t do that here. We have restrooms back at the main building.”

    (I point to the building, which is about 20 yards away.)

    Customer: *sighs* “Well, alright, but that’s a pretty long way to walk…”

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, School

    (I work in the testing center for a community college. We administer placement exams and make-up exams, among other things. This particular student is taking his placement exam.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I have you set up on that computer over there.” *points to computer* “Just finish filling in your personal information and the test will begin.”

    Student: “Okay, thanks.”

    (About forty-five minutes go by as the student goes through the exam. I then see him raise his hand, so I stand up and walk over to his computer.)

    Me: “Is there something wrong?”

    Student: “Yeah, it’s telling me that I’m about to start the arithmetic test.”

    Me: “Yes, that is part of the placement exam.”

    Student: “But I’m supposed to be taking a math test, not an arithmetic test!”

    All Or Nothing Or Nothing At All

    | United Kingdom | Money

    (I work in a pound shop, which is the UK equivalent of a 99 cent store in the US. Everything in the store costs one pound.)

    Customer: “How much it this?”

    Me: “It’s a pound. Everything costs one pound.”

    (The customer walks away and returns two minutes later with a different item.)

    Customer: “How much is this?”

    Me: “That’s a pound, too.”

    Customer: “Sorry to keep asking, but you don’t seem to have any prices on anything.”

    Me: “Everything in this store costs one pound.”

    (The customer walks away and returns a few minutes later with yet another different item.)

    Customer: “What about this?”

    Me: “That’s a pound. They’re all a pound.”

    Customer: “Why isn’t anything labeled in this store? You’re all so lazy!”

    The One That Has Wheels And Moves

    , | Missouri, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a tire center. More often than we’d like, we get completely clueless customers coming in for tire replacements.)

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to get my tires changed.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s the year, make, and model of your vehicle?”

    Customer: “I’m really not sure of any of that. Do you need it?”

    Me: “Yeah, we need to know so we can get the right size of tires. Do you know if your car is a Chevy? A Ford? Dodge?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, but I think the name starts with an E?”

    Me: “Okay, is it a car, truck, or SUV?”

    Customer: “I’m really not sure.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s just step outside on the parking lot. You can point your car out for me and I can get the information there.” (The customer stands at the door and points out to the lot, which is filled with cars.)

    Customer: “It’s the white one.”

    (I go outside and begin to walk to the first white car I see.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?! I said the white one! The white one!” *points to another white car in a different direction* “You don’t know what you’re doing! Who hired you?”

    Noon, Not Too Soon, Part 2

    | Great Neck, NY, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I call patients the day before their appointment to remind them.)

    Me: “Hello, [patient], I am calling to remind you of your appointment with [doctor] tomorrow at noon.”

    Patient: “Okay, what time is my appointment?”

    Me: “Noon.”

    Patient: “But what time is my appointment?”

    Me: “Noon.”

    Patient: “What time is noon?”

    Me: “Um, it’s at twelve o’clock…in the afternoon.”

    Patient: “Oh, great. Thanks! I’ll be in.”

    Related:
    Noon, Not Too Soon


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