Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Language Barrage, Intelligence Mirage

    | Joplin, MO, USA | Language & Words

    (I work in the box office of a movie theater. A teenage girl comes up and asks me about Angelina Jolie’s new movie.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [theater]. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “What’s the movie Salt about?”

    Me: “Well, it’s got Angelina Jolie in it and it’s about espionage.

    (A very confused looked crosses the girl’s face while she processes what I’ve said for several seconds. She’s clearly hung up on the word “espionage”.)

    Customer: “Oh…so it’s in Spanish?”

    It Pays To Be Correct

    | South Carolina, USA | Money

    (I work at a popular tax office. One day, a woman in her 30s, whose taxes I had done the year before, comes in to file. Once we finish entering her information, I tell her how much she would be getting in her refund, which is substantial.)

    Me: “So, your state return is $1,570, and your federal is $4,900, for a total of $6,470.”

    Customer: “That can’t be right.”

    Me: “Do you have another W-2 or 1099 that you need to add?”

    Customer: “No, I mean that’s too much money.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “I only got $300 last year, so I think you did my taxes wrong.”

    Me: “Mrs. [name], I assure you I did them right. You also did get a better job last year, got married, and had a child. All of those things qualified you for credits and a higher refund.”

    Customer: “No, No, NO! You did it WRONG and I am not going to JAIL because you are INCOMPETENT!” *grabs her purse and walks out, leaving all her tax documents behind*

    (My manager later told me that the customer had come back for her tax documents. She said she had done her taxes online herself, and was getting less than $1000.)

    Now, Wait Just A New York Minute

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work in a call center taking customer care calls for cell phones.)

    Me: “Welcome to [store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am going to Ireland and I want to know the per minute rate.”

    Me: “Yes, thats no problem. The per minute rate to Ireland is $0.99 per minute.”

    Customer: “Is that an Irish minute or an American minute?”

    Me: *confused* “Miss, a minute is a minute no matter where you are.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! You’re just trying to get my bill higher than it should be! I will report you to the BBB!”

    The Wall Of Somebodies

    | California, USA |

    (I work at the front desk of an office. Note that we have pictures of our founder with celebrities on the wall. On this day, we have a guest waiting for one of our executives. He examines the celebrity pictures while he waits.)

    Guest: “Who are these people? Are they former employees?”

    Me: “No, they are celebrities.”

    (The guest looks at the pictures, which include Whitney Houston, Clint Eastwood, and Al Gore.)

    Guest: “Huh, I don’t think I’ve heard of them…”

    Weekend Roundup: Time Travel

    , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Time Travel! This week, we show it’s only a matter of “time” before you run into customers with no grasp of time—past, present, or future!

    1. Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future:
      An unsuspecting wife gets sent out by a husband on a fool’s errand to look for a flux capacitor—in a flying DeLorean, no doubt.
    2. A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups:
      The customer is always right, even if it means ripping a hole in the space-time continuum.
    3. Doctor Sue:
      Look, man, we all wish your replica TARDIS actually flew through time, but unless you’re a Time Lord with a chameleon circuit, you’re barking up the wrong police box.
    4. Eastern Standard Time Travelers:
      Getting time zones mixed up with time travel? No big deal, although teleporting New York City three hours into the future would be kinda cool.
    5. Please See The “Time Travel” Section:
      This dinosaur-craving bookstore customer has been watching a little bit too much Jurassic Park!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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