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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Don’t Bow Down To Your Desires

    | Little Rock, AR, USA |

    (A coworker of mine brings in a pin to put on my shirt that says, “Talk dirty to me”. The boss is okay with it, and we have a lot of cool regulars that come in.)

    Me: “I love your bow-tie! You never see anyone wear them nowadays!”

    Customer: *noticing my pin* “You wanna touch it?”

    Me: *nervous laughter*

    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (A customer in his late 30s comes through my line with a few food items, a pack of printer paper, and a can of compressed air.)

    Me: “Hi. Find everything you needed today?”

    Customer: “I did, thank you.”

    (When I scan the canned air, the register automatically asks for ID.)

    Me: “May I please see your ID?”

    Customer: “Sure, but what for?”

    Me: “It’s for the canned air. The register won’t process an age-restricted product without actually scanning an ID.”

    Customer: “Why is it age-restricted?”

    Me: “Well, kids inhale it to get high. It really messes you up.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    (He looks down at his order.)

    Customer: “Think I should get another can?”

    Life Sucks When You’re Not American

    | Cornwall, UK |

    Me: “Thanks, and have a nice day!”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me to have a nice day! We’re not in America!”

    Me: “Sorry…don’t have a nice day?”

    Customer: “I won’t, because I’m British!”

    Wake Up And Sell The Coffee

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (Near the end of the morning rush, I’m making lattes, cappuccinos, etc.)

    Me: “I don’t feel so great.” *faints*

    (As I come to, I not only hear my manager on the phone with 911 but the following…)

    Customer: “Isn’t anyone going to make my latte?”

    For The FBI, The M.O. On This PDF Is TBD

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    Customer: “My pedophile won’t print.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I sent my pedophile to print but it won’t come out the printer.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean PDF file? As in Adobe PDF?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that.”


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