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    A Bit Young To Be So Off-Color

    | France | School

    (I am a kindergarten teacher, and I’m meeting a student for the first time.)

    Me: “What is your favorite color?”

    5 year-old: “Stool.”

    Me: “Let’s try that again…”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Canada

    (I am an American citizen living and working as a legal Canadian resident.)

    Customer: “It’s too bad that you can’t leave to vote, or do they let you do that here?”

    Me: “I can’t vote. I’m not a citizen.”

    (The customer’s jaw drops.)

    Customer: “Wow! Where are you from?”

    Me: “The US.”

    Customer: “Well, I never would have guessed. You look just like one of us!”

    (He gestures to himself and his shopping companion.)

    Me: “Uh, thanks?”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
    Canada: America’s Hat

    A Real Pain In The Rear

    | Germany | Health & Body

    (An elderly gentleman approaches me at the counter.)

    Me: “How may I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “My butt hurts! I need medicine!”

    Me: “All right, do you have a prescription? Or, can you tell me what exactly is wrong so that I can recommend you something that doesn’t need one?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong. But my butt hurts!”

    Me: “Please go see a doctor then, sir. Without knowing what causes your pain, there’s little I can do.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to wait at the doctor’s together with all the sick people! I’ll catch a disease or something!”

    Me: “That’s understandable. Maybe you could go early in the morning when fewer people are there?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to! I want you to tell me what’s wrong! Look at my butt!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but we don’t do that–”

    (The man doesn’t listen. In front of me and three other customers, he drops his pants and underwear, turns around and sticks out his butt in my direction.)

    Me: “Sir, please pull up your pants again! I can’t tell what’s wrong and you will have to leave if you don’t stop that!”

    Customer: “Nonsense! If you can’t tell what’s wrong from over there, come closer and get a better look!”

    (My boss then comes to look at what’s going on and ends up kicking the guy out.)

    Customer: *on the way out the door* “Why will no one look at my butt?!”

    Lost In No Translation, Part 3

    | Lake Grove, NY, USA |

    Caller: “Hello. Do you have an Italian to American dictionary?”

    (Note that the caller doesn’t seem to have trouble speaking English, and has a New York accent.)

    Me: “We have Italian to English dictionaries.”

    Customer: “No, no. I need Italian to American because English is a different language, right?”

    Me: “The English language is what we speak in America.”

    Customer: *frustrated* “Can I speak to someone who might know better?!”

    Lost In No Translation

    As Easy As !-@-#

    | Colorado, USA | Technology

    (I’m the IT manager at my work. I’ve just created a user account for our HR manager.)

    Me: “So, the username is [username] and the password is just 1234.”

    Caller: “1234? That’s it?”

    Me: “We try to keep it simple.”

    Caller: “Okay, thanks.” *hangs up*

    (About a minute later, he calls back.)

    Caller: “It that capitalized?”

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