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    Needs To Do Some More Internet Exploring

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer calls in about not being able to access our website. While troubleshooting this exchange happens:)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, after you’re done clearing your browsing history can I get you to close out of your browser to refresh it.”

    Customer: “Now this won’t kick you out will it?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand your question.”

    Customer: “When I close off your website, will I lose my connection with you? Because I was on hold a really long time.”

    Me: “So… you’re asking that if you close out of the site on your computer it will hang our phone call?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can absolutely guarantee you closing your browser will not hang up your phone.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank goodness, because I really didn’t want to have to call back and be on hold again.”

    In The Wrong Holding Position

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Good evening. Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?

    Caller: “Oh, wrong number.” *hangs up*

    (To have gotten through to me the customer would have had to have waited on hold for 10 minutes, listening to repeated adverts FOR the company and also selected an option to speak with me. I still have no idea how she didn’t realise sooner.)

    In For A Penny, In For A Pound Bag

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    Boyfriend: “Baby carrots are $0.99 for a one pound bag and $1.99 for a two pound bag.”

    Me: “I need two pounds.”

    (My boyfriend grabs a two pound bag and a customer next to him does as well.)

    Me: “You know, it’s technically cheaper to buy two one pound bags—”

    (The customer next to my boyfriend suddenly SLAMS his carrots down, snatches two one pound bags from the display and SPRINTS away.)

    Me: “…by one penny.”

    Child’s Play And Slay

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (At an interactive show meant primarily for little kids, the show follows the good guys tracking a bad guy. Near the end, they catch the bad guy and ask the audience what they should do next. This gets the kids excited to chime in. All of the kids here are under 10 years old.)

    Announcer: “Okay, kids! What should we do with the bad guy now?”

    Girl: “Tell his mommy!”

    Announcer: “Okay, let’s tell his mommy on him! What else?”

    Boy #1: “Kill him!”

    Announcer: “What?!”

    Boy #2: “EAT HIM!”

    Announcer: “Okay, we are DEFINITELY not eating him. That’s illegal.”

    Boy #3: “SET HIM ON FIRE!”

    Announcer: “What do your parents let you watch?!”

    Kitten Smitten

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working on the till at a charity shop when a woman walks in. She has a small handbag, and while it’s open, I can’t see inside. She comes up to me with a book.)

    Woman: “Just this, please.”

    (I ring her up and tell her the price. When she reaches into her handbag for her purse, I see she has a folded blue blanket with something furry and ginger inside. Naturally, I assume it’s a cuddly toy for a child.)

    Woman: *sees me looking* “Oh, do you like him?”

    Me: “Him?”

    (She takes the object and blanket out of her handbag to show me. To my astonishment, it’s not a cuddly toy, but a ginger kitten so small that its eyes aren’t open!)

    Me: “Why do you have a kitten in your bag?”

    Woman: *cradling the blanketed kitten gently* “He was pulled out of a burning building, and I’ve been hand-rearing him. I don’t go anywhere without him because he’s so small. At least he’s getting better after the fire!”

    (I finish ringing her up and take a moment to pet the kitten. She puts him carefully back into her handbag.)

    Woman: “Now to see if I can get him into [Supermarket]!”

    Me: “…good luck with that!”

    (Later, my manager scolded me for not calling her down. She wanted to pet the kitten, too.)

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