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    No Sign They Read The Sign

    | UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (I work at the self-checkout registers, helping customers with machine errors and doing theft prevention. Four of our self-checkout registers do not accept cash, to save space.)

    Customer: “Where do I insert my cash?”

    Cashier: “Sir, this machine accepts debit and credit only. It does not accept cash”.

    Customer: “Really? You should have a sign that says that”.

    Cashier: “Actually, we have several. There’s one posted just above the register in bright orange, one above the self checkout entrance, and at the beginning of the transaction, you pressed the button that says ‘yes, I understand this machine doesn’t accept cash.'”

    (The customers always, with a red face, quickly and quietly run to one of the cash machines!)

    Wish You Could Firewall These Customers

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my computer is on fire. What should I do?”

    Me: “Call the fire department! Why are you calling us? You should try to put it out!”

    Customer: “It’s your fault, though! What are you going to do about my computer?”

    Me: “Sir, I strongly advise you trying to put out the fire before we continue. There is nothing we can do about your computer being on fire.”

    Customer: “Look here! I was following your instructions on the CD that came with the kit. It told me to install the ethernet adaptor. I opened my laptop, put the green card inside, put it back together, and now it’s on fire.”

    Me: “Whoa! Wait, you said you got a green ethernet card, and you opened your laptop up and put it in there?”

    Customer: “Yes! Now what are you going to do about my computer being on fire!”

    Me: “Sir, the adaptor we sent you was for a desktop computer, not for a laptop. There is no way that the card supplied will work for your computer. We could have assisted you had you called in prior to you attempting to install the adaptor, when you could not find a place to plug it in. Instead you slammed it all together, and caused your own fire hazard. I strongly suggest that you call the fire department, or try to put out the fire yourself while the firefighters arrive. There is nothing that I can do to support you at this time.”

    Customer: “But what is [ISP] going to do about my computer?!”

    Welcome Your Problems

    Funny-customer-service-sign-2

    Both Brains Were Fried

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (In this case, both the cashier AND I were idiots. I’m a product demonstrator buying supplies for my next demo: 12 bags of French fries. I get to my car and realize the cashier only charged me for 10. So I go back in and explain the problem.)

    Cashier: Thank you so much! I’d have been in so much trouble.”

    Me: *feeling sheepish, I brought the receipt but NOT the un-scanned bags back in* “Should I go get them to scan again?”

    Cashier: “Nah, just grab two more from the cooler. I’ll scan those and charge you for them.”

    (I run and get them. I get back and she’s explaining to the entire line what a tool she is and how grateful she is to me for my honesty. As such, she’s working distracted and on autopilot… It’s 10 pm and I’ve had a long day myself, so I’m not precisely paying attention either.)

    Cashier: *scans bags* “Okay, that’ll be $4.99.”

    (She automatically bags them and hands me the bag. I automatically take them, say thank you, and leave.)

    Me: *10 minutes later at home, un-bagging groceries into my freezer* “Oh, lord! Now I’ve paid for 12 and have 14!”

    Reached Your Tea Total

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I want a full-leaf brewed tea.”

    Me: “Okay, which one?”

    Customer: “The full leaf one.”

    Me: “We have a few different kinds, sir. We have mint, chai, English breakfast, zen, Earl Grey, China green tips, and passion tea. Which one did you want?”

    Customer: “Which one is closest to mint?”

    Me: “The mint.”

    Customer: “No, besides that one.”

    Me: “…The zen? I guess?”

    Customer: “What does that one taste like?”

    Me: “…Mint.”

    Customer: “How much coffee is in it?”

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