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    Needs To Screen Her Comments

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology

    (While standing in line at a sandwich shop, I overhear two women talking about one of them getting a new iPad.)

    Woman #1: “Yeah, I got a new iPad. I got black this time because I usually always go with white.”

    Woman #2: “Ew, white is so much better than black. You should have gotten the white.”

    Woman #1: “No, I wanted to match the case I got it.”

    Woman #2: “Don’t you have bad eyes?”

    Woman #1: “Yeah?”

    Woman #2: “Well you should have gotten the white, not the black. Now you are not going to be able to see on it.”

    Woman #1: “When I say it’s black, I was referring to the casing it’s in, not the screen.”

    Woman #2: “Oh!”

    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 12

    | Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’ll have the melt, please.”

    Me: “Okay! Would you like it toasted?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Would you like the bacon heated up?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want bacon.”

    Me: “Oh, well, in that case I—”

    Customer: “Wait, how do you normally do the melt?”

    Me: “Well, since you don’t want bacon it’s—”

    Customer: *irritated* “No, no, no. Just forget about the bacon. How do you normally do it?”

    Me: “Um… put it in the toaster, but—”

    Customer: “Then put it in the toaster!”

    (Giving up on him listening to me, I comply.)

    Customer: *to next customer in line* “You’d think they don’t speak English here.”

    (The funny part is that I was trying to tell him that without bacon, his sandwich became a different kind, which was a dollar cheaper. Since he decided to be a jerk and cut me off, he probably told the cashier he’d gotten a melt, and paid for bacon that he never got!)

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    Isn’t Buying Into The Sale

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (We regularly have deals on cases of paper where a customer can purchase a specified number of cases, and receive another one for free. A customer comes into the store and makes a bee-line for the sale cases. This week’s deal is buy two, get one free.)

    Customer: “Two cases of paper, please!”

    (I immediately suspect there will be an issue. I radio for an associate to start heading to the paper display in case there’s a dispute, then ring up the customer’s paper.)

    Me: “Okay! Your total is [cost of two full price cases and sales tax].”

    Customer: “What!? Your sign says buy two, get one free! Why isn’t my second one free!?”

    Me: “Sir, buy two get one means that you have to BUY TWO cases first. Then your third one’s free.”

    Customer: “THAT’S NOT WHAT THE AD SIGN SAYS!”

    Me: “It is, sir. It says BUY TWO. You know, like PURCHASE TWO? You have to PAY FOR two cases before you get the third one?”

    Customer: “THAT’S NOT WHAT IT SAYS! I WANT MY SECOND CASE FOR FREE!”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t just give you a free case of paper. The sale you’re thinking of is buy one, get one – not buy two get one.”

    (At this point I’m pretty sure the customer realizes his error. There is a long pause while he stares at me expectantly, and then…)

    Customer: “FINE! Give me my third case! But I want to speak to your store manager! That’s misleading and you’re cheating people out of their money!”

    Me: “Sure thing, sir. Here’s his business card. He’ll be in tomorrow. Have a nice night!”

    Not Going To Wrap It Up Before Closing

    | Arnhem, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests

    (It’s about closing time, and we have closed the shutters partly to make customers aware of this. The store is empty, and has been for a while. Some of my coworkers are already starting to pack up and I’m left waiting around the cash registry until it’s closing time. About two minutes before we close, a customer comes running up.)

    Customer: “Can I still shop?”

    Me: “We’re about to close in two minutes.”

    Customer: “I know what I want! I’ll be quick; I know exactly where it is.”

    (She grabs a basket and runs through the store to get her things. I get behind the registry to scan her items. When she comes up, it turns out it’s a lot of small items, about 20 different things.)

    Me: “That really was quick!”

    Customer: “Thank you! Oh, and they’re all presents. You wrap them, right?”

    Me: “We can wrap, or I can give you enough paper to wrap them yourself at home.”

    Customer: “You do it. I can’t wrap nicely.”

    (It is now a few minutes past closing, and it’s a lot of small items to wrap. I call for extra assistance.)

    Coworker: “Did you just call for assistance? Why?”

    Me: *nodding towards the pile of goods and wrapping as fast as I can* “These are all presents.”

    Coworker: “… All of them?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Coworker: “Call for more assistance.”

    (We wrapped everything with the three of us, and the customer made us re-wrap some things, too, if they weren’t done well enough to her satisfaction!)

    Direction Dissection

    | USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging

    Guest: “I need directions.”

    Me: “Okay. To where?”

    Guest: “To [Address].”

    (The address she was giving me was on the very same street our hotel is on, and I knew the place well.)

    Me: “Oh, I know where that is. You just make a left from the hotel, and—”

    Guest: *very seriously* “Don’t tell me what to do! I’m not your slave!”

    Me: “Um… I never said you were.”

    Guest: “Then don’t tell me what to DO, then!”

    Me: “Um…okay.”

    (Silently, I use directions from the Internet, print it up, and hand it over.)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Guest: “Thanks!”

    (I saw her a few minutes later, complaining to someone on her phone about ‘a piece of paper that’s telling her what to do.’)

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