Your Card Is A Smoking Gun

| OK, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(I am a cashier at a local convenience store. Normally, I am very sweet and friendly, but today I am having a bad day. Not only did I have a full truck of inventory to check in and put away, but I also have three sections of the store to reset. A man comes in in the midst of the chaos and grabs a few bags of chips, some sandwiches, and several sodas. He goes to the register clearly marked as closed, moves all of my paperwork over, and continues to talk on his cell phone. I smile anyway, taking all of his items and moving them to the open register.)

Me: “Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: *silence*

(I ring up all of his food and place it neatly in bags.)

Me: “That’ll be $12.36.”

(The customer reaches into his pocket and pulls out a food stamp card. It looks as if it has been melted. Half is missing.)

Customer: “It won’t read, so you have to punch in the numbers. The first ones are-”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot legally accept damaged cards.”

Customer: “They do it all the time at the other store.”

(When I refuse again, he becomes visibly upset.)

Customer: “Fine, just give me some smokes.”

(It is store policy to ask anyone who looks under 40 for their state ID when buying tobacco or alcohol. It must be not be damaged or expired.)

Customer: *hands me the id*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your ID expired in 2011. Do you have another?”

Customer: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! I’LL JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!” *storming towards the door* “I’m thirty-f******-two years old and—”

Me: “Than act like it, sir. Your tobacco is not worth my job.” *smiling as sweetly as ever* “Have a nice day, sir. Stay safe today.”

A Well-Trained Conductor

| Liverpool, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

(I am a passenger travelling on the train when the conductor comes down to check tickets. A passenger in front of me purchases a ticket to the next stop. The train carries on and finally arrives at the next stop of the journey and the conductor notices the passenger is still on board with no intention of moving so approaches the passenger.)

Conductor: “This is your stop.”

Passenger: “No, it’s not.”

Conductor: “You asked for a ticket to the next stop. This is it.”

Passenger: “Well I meant [station several stops away].”

Conductor: “Okay, that’ll be [price].”

Passenger: “Nah, mate.”

Conductor: “You either buy a ticket or get off the train.”

Passenger: “You think I’m soft? I travel this train all the time and never buy a ticket.”

Conductor: “Well, with that information you can either get off this train now or wait here for the police to show up, delaying all of these other passengers.”

(The passenger refuses and the back and forth goes on for a while with customers getting agitated at the passenger. After a few minutes, the conductor goes to the back on the train and makes an announcement.)

Conductor: *over announcement system* “Apologies for the delay of this service. This is due to a lowlife passenger attempting to travel on this service without a valid ticket, who apparently thinks you’re all mugs for buying one.”

(With this, the train erupted into laughter and the passenger quickly got up and ran off the train, avoiding eye contact with everyone. The train then left the station only a few minutes later than planned.)

Not On Top Of Modern Technology

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(An older gentleman approaches me in my department.)

Me: “Hello, sir. What can I help you find?”

Customer: “You advertised a set of mixing bowls on sale for $19.99. Where are they?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not sure which ones you’re talking about. Did you see them in the most recent flyer?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I start looking through our flyer, searching for the bowls in question. After a few minutes, I’m still not seeing anything, and the customer is becoming agitated.)

Customer: “They were right at the top on the website!”

Me: “Oh! So they weren’t in a flyer? Let me pull up the site. Did you search for them with any particular keywords?”

Customer: “No! I told you, they were just at the top!”

Me: “Sir, the top of what?”

Customer: “The top of the Internet! I don’t see what is so hard about this!”

(The customer didn’t see anything wrong with telling me to check the first page of “the Internet” for an item he knew no details about. I found him the mixing bowls, no thanks to him.)

A Receipt Defeat

| Whitehorse, YK, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

Customer: “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to remember me, would you?”

Me: “No, I can’t say that I do.”

Customer: “Well, I bought a car battery off you a couple of months ago and I was just wondering if you remembered me.”

Me: “No, I don’t remember you.”

Customer: “I was hoping you would remember me buying a battery from you. It wasn’t that long ago.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you at all. Why is it important that I remember selling a battery to you?”

Customer: “I want to bring a battery back and get a new one under warranty”

Me: “All you need to bring a battery back under warranty is the original receipt. You don’t need to find the same person that sold you the battery.”

Customer: “That’s the thing; I can’t find the receipt so I was hoping you could vouch for me buying the battery from you so I could exchange the battery.”

Me: “Even if I remembered you, you still need the original receipt and paperwork with the serial number and warranty program number on it.”

Customer: “So there’s no way to get an exchange on a battery without the receipt even if you remember me?”

Me: “Yes.Even if I remembered you, you still need the receipt.”

Customer: “Do you guys keep a copy of the receipt anywhere?”

Me: “No, sir, we give you the receipt.”

Customer: “Wow, that sucks.”

Gunning For A Return

| Titusville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I work at a large retailer that sells firearms. This conversation takes place over the phone.)

Customer: “What’s your returns policy on guns?”

Me: “No returns on guns. All sales are final.”

Customer: “Oh. hey, you wanna buy a gun?”

Me: “No.”

Page 10/2,707First...89101112...Last