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    Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed, Part 2

    | Liverpool, NY, USA | At The Checkout

    (I work as a cashier in a grocery store. I have a regular customer named Hector. He is eighty-seven years old and he has come to the store every Wednesday for the last three months and will only wait in my line. If my shift hasn’t started yet, he will gather his groceries, including Luanne’s Depends, and wait until my shift starts.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! Did you find everything okay?”

    Hector: “H*** no, I did not! I was looking for the damned chainsaw section, but you don’t even have one!”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m afraid we don’t sell chainsaws here, this is a grocery store.”

    Hector: “That’s not what the dips*** in the booze aisle told me! Jesus, this is the worst store ever!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, sir. But, hey, if you’re about to blow a gasket, we do have Depends, if you’re interested. They’re on sale right now.”

    Hector: “S***! I forgot to get Luanne’s Depends! She won’t do the nasty with me if I forget them! Thanks, little lady!”

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    Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed