(This is an adult store in Los Angeles. Enter a fat, balding guy in his 40s.)

Guy: “Hello, Miss.”

Me: “Good morning.”

Guy: “Do you have any–HOLY ****! You’re a girl!”

Me: “I am?”

Guy: “Shouldn’t you be at home, getting ready for your husband, cooking or something?”

Me: “I burn salads. My WIFE tends to cook more.”

Guy: “Holy ****! You’re a heathen!”

Me: “Doom upon me. What was it you wanted?”

Guy: “Whatever. Got any Bibles?”

Me: “???”