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(I’m checking out another patron’s books. Suddenly, a customer screams and points at me, in the process elbowing another patron out of the way.)

Library patron: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE THE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP OFF THE STOVE?!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m helping someone right now….”

Library patron: “You let it get all FATTY on the top!!!”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

(The library patron begins to cry.)

Me: “Why are you crying?”

Library patron: “I don’t know, cuz dads are microwaving their kids and sh*t!”

Me: “…”