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(This happens while I’m checking out another patron’s books.)

Library patron, screaming and pointing at me, elbowing other patron out of the way: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE THE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP OFF THE STOVE???”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m helping someone right now….”

Library patron: “You let it get all FATTY on the top!!!”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

(Library patron begins to cry.)

Me: “Why are you crying?”

Library patron: “I don’t know, cuz dads are microwaving their kids and sh*t!”

Me: …