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    Oh, Bite Me

    | Auckland, New Zealand |

    Me: “Welcome to ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to check my balance on my account.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Can I get your customer number?”

    Customer: *gives number*

    Me: “Okay, sir. You have a balance of $513.26, and we need to get $360.00 of this paid off immediately to avoid referral to debt collection.”

    Customer: “Screw you. I’m no overstayer. Unlock my d*** account!”

    Me: “Sir, we can’t unlock the account until we’ve received some form of payment.”

    Customer: “F*** you man. I’m going to call your head office and have you deported.”

    Me: “Um, I was born in this country, so I can’t really be deported to another country. This still won’t get your account unlocked. If you can pay–”

    Customer: “Get the f***ing account turned on or I’m coming around there, and I’m going to eat you!”

    Me: “Eat… me?”

    Customer: “D*** right! I’m going to have you eaten and deported. We’re going to claim back our land and eat all you b**tards, then have you kicked out of the country!”

    Me: “Please pay your bill. I’m terminating this call.” *click*