(Note: we’re nearby a retirement community. An old man who looks lost wanders into our grocery store.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Old man: “Yes, I’m looking for the bathroom… oh, here it is!”

(He opens a freezer door and proceeds to pull down his pants.)

Me: “SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

(The old man takes a dump right in the freezer.)

Old man: “That’s cold… where’s the toilet paper?”

Me: “I really, really, really need a break!”

(Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened.)