(A customer claims they had found cockroaches in several pizzas we had delivered earlier. My manager tells me to go ahead and give them their money back.)

Me: “Here’s your money refunded in full, and again, we’re very sorry for this. It’s never happened before.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable! We’re never ordering from you again. You should feel ashamed!”

Me: “Again, we’re very sorry. If you could just give me the pizzas back, I’ll dispose of them for you.”

Customer: “Well…I don’t have them anymore.”

Me: “What did you do with them?”

Customer: *sheepishly* “I gave them to my kids.”