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    Not Quite As Provocative As I Recall

    | Syracuse, NY | Holidays

    (It is 6:00 AM on Black Friday. There is a queue waiting to come into the store as soon as I lift the gate. Once the gate goes up, the crowd surges into the store. Immediately, a customer pushes his way through the crowd and begins shouting to me.)

    Customer: *shouting* “Where are your ‘Touch Me, Big Guy’ toys?!”

    (Overhearing this, everyone in earshot goes silent.)

    Me: “Um, I don’t think we carry that toy.”

    Customer: “Of course you do! It is really popular this year! You rub and squeeze the toy’s stomach and it giggles in happiness! You know ‘Touch me, Big Guy’!”

    Me: “You don’t mean ‘Tickle Me Elmo’, do you?”

    Customer: “Is that what it is called?”

    (The crowd begins making noise again.)

    Customer: “I suppose you might be wondering what Christmas is like at my house.”

    Me: “No, sir, not in the slightest.”