Not Big(ot) On Accents

(I’m a Caucasian expat living in Singapore. I’ve learned to speak the local creole well enough to get by, as my foreign accent often comes across as unintelligible. On the train on my way home from work one night, a Caucasian man steps into my carriage.)

Man: *looks around, spots me, and openly gawks* “Oh, THANK GOD!”

(He practically runs towards me and sits right next to me, despite most seats being unoccupied.)

Man: “Another NORMAL person, finally! Aw, man, I can’t tell you how great it is to see you! I mean, this place is ridiculous! It’s full of… Asians!”

Me: *raises an eyebrow while frowning*

Man: “Yeah, like, I wanted a holiday and everything, but I didn’t want a tropical place that didn’t have stores and bars and stuff, y’know? So the travel guy said Singapore would be good, but everyone here is bloody Chinese or something! I don’t know what’s wrong with the place!”

Me: *trying my best to sound as local as possible* “Aiyah, why you come Singapore one ah? Dis one cannot lah!”

(The man looked terrified and scooted away.)