Will Need To Redress This Relationship

(It’s Saturday and my boyfriend and I are still in bed. As we both usually sleep without a pajama, my boyfriend is still naked. I have already dressed and would like to go shopping. For us, this is a totally normal conversation we’re having.)

Me: “Honey, could you hurry up some? Get dressed. I want to go, please.”

Boyfriend: *completely naked and reading something on his phone, with a whiny, pleading voice* “[My Name], could you bring me my undies?”

Me: *hrmpf* “Here they are.”

Boyfriend: *he lifts his feet of the bed and points them in my direction, with an even more whiny voice* “Can you help me dress?”

(While helping him dress as if he were a toddler.)

Boyfriend: “You also need to place my junk right in the undies, you know, so it feels comfortable?”

Me:*mock angry voice* “You know, you can never leave me. You’ll never find another girlfriend who puts up with this.”

Boyfriend: *still whiny voice but with a little devious grin on his face* “I also have trousers…”

Me: *continues dressing him like he’s a toddler* “Lift your leg… Ok, now your other leg… Good, now your bottom…”

(After I finished I start to walk away.)

Me: “You know, I’m not so sure who’s wearing the trousers in this relationship.”

Boyfriend: *shouting after me* “I still have a T-shirt to dress! [My Name], you need to help me!”

(I finished dressing him, while he barely moved or took his eyes off his phone, and made whiny noises every time I was too rough. It is not easy dressing a fully grown man.)