Not A Drop To Drink

(I’m manning the box office. I get a call from a customer who has received a free drink voucher that we send out to new customers as a welcome gift.)

Me: “Good morning, [Concert Hall]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m offended that you sent me a free drinks voucher in the post.”

Me: “You are? I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I’m an alcoholic and I can’t drink anything.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. The voucher is also valid for our range of soft drinks available as well as fresh coffee and tea–”

Customer: “I can’t drink anything.”

Me: “Anything at all?”

Customer: *shouting* “Anything!”

Me: “Not even juice, or water?”

Customer: “Anything! A-ny-thing!”

(I decide not to argue with him further and apologize for sending him the voucher.)