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    North Of The Moral Border

    | Port Stanley, ON, Canada |

    (A mother approaches me, violently dragging her two teenage boys along.)

    Mother: “I demand you call the police immediately and have them arrest those ‘flashers’ at once!”

    (She motions to the two topless girls on the beach.)

    Me: “Actually, here in Ontario, it’s legal for women to go topless. Are you not from around here?”

    Mother: “I am from America where we have morals and standards. You people sicken me! They are far too young to be doing that!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but there is technically no age limit on the law. It applies the same as it does to your sons.”

    Mother: “Is there not a family section for decent people to enjoy the beach without these sick perverts exposing themselves to everyone?”

    Me: “Again, I apologize, but it’s not about the beach. It’s legal for women of any age to go topless anywhere outdoors they please…same as men.”

    Mother: “I will sue this whole country for punitive damages! My sons will be scarred for life!”

    (Her sons are clearly scarred, as they are staring at the topless girls with huge grins on their faces. All of a sudden, three more topless girls walk past. She attempts to cover both her sons’ eyes with her hands.)

    Mother: “Heathens! You will all burn in h***! Sinners and perverts, that’s all you Canadians are!”