No No No Problem

(I work at a card store in the mall that has a rewards card program. It’s free and employees don’t get anything if we sign someone up, so we never push it. We ask at checkout if they have a rewards card, and that’s it. Still, often times people feel compelled to tell me a really long story about why they don’t have, want, or need one. A customer comes up to the register and I guess he’s decided that I’m going to try to push the rewards card on him. He puts his cards on the counter and I start to ask him if he found everything okay, but he cuts me off and says:)

Customer: “I’m going to say no to everything you ask me.”

(I can tell that he’s trying to be funny, but I have legitimate questions I need to ask. I smile and as I ring him up I say:)

Me: “Okay, well, I’m sorry, but there are some things I have to ask you; it’s just company policy. Do you have a–“ (“–rewards card?”)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Would you like–“ (“–seals?” They’re these free stickers we give out that go on the back of the cards.)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you–“ (“–need envelopes?” since he’s brought up two cards without their envelopes.)

Customer: “No.”

(He gets a big smile as he’s cutting me off and I’m starting to get a little annoyed now, but I tell him his total and he gives me cash. Then I say:)

Me: “Do you–“ (“–need a bag?”)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Would you–“ (“–like a receipt?”)

Customer: “No.”

(I’m tired of his little game, so I instead of just giving it to him, I ask:)

Me: “Do you–“ (“–want your change?”)

Customer: “No.”

(He’s standing there with his un-bagged cards with two envelopes missing as I take his receipt and put it on the stack of unwanted ones.)

Me: “Okay, have a great day!”

(His big smile is gone. He looks at his cards, looks at me, and says:)

Customer: “Um, where’s my change?”

(I haven’t actually closed the register all the way because I figured this would happen. As I get him his change, I say:)

Me: “Sorry, I tried to ask if you wanted it, but you said no.”

(We stand there in silence for a moment. Then, with an annoyed little huff, he says:)

Customer: “Are you going to bag them?”

Me: “I’d be happy to. I thought you didn’t want one since you said no when I asked.”

(He goes on to ask for envelopes, his receipt, and even seals, getting more and more irritated each time I cheerfully explain that he said no. Once he’s finally got everything, he heads for the door. There is a woman browsing near the exit, who I guess is with him because as he walks up she stops browsing and leaves with him. I hear him tell her:)

Customer: “That girl at the register has no idea what she’s doing.”