Neither A Lounge Recliner Nor A Borrower Be

(I’m on the reference desk on the main floor of our library, when a smartly dressed middle-aged woman comes to ask me a question.)

Patron: “Hello, do you only lend books here?”

Me: “No, we also have DVDs, CDs, books on tape, and there are newspapers and magazines but we don’t loan those. Can I help you find something?”

Patron: “There’s a lot of furniture in here.”

Me: “Yes, I suppose there is.”

Patron: “I’d like to borrow a table, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t loan the furniture to people.”

Patron: “It’s for my mother. She’s coming over from Germany next week and she’s a very fussy eater so we need a bigger table. How long can I borrow it for?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t lend out furnishings. If you’d like, I can find you the number for a company that rents them out. Would that help?”

Patron: “I’m not paying any money! That’s the whole point on lending things. Will one of your staff help me carry it home?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m sorry, but we don’t lend out furniture under any circumstances.”

Patron: “But she’s coming from Germany.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid we can’t lend you a table, but there’s a local company that rents out furniture for parties and–”

Patron: “NO! Table! Now! You just want to keep them for yourselves!”

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