Needs Baaaaaaacon…

(The zombie apocalypse has just begun. The supermarket I work at is being looted by the survivors and I decide to join in. As I’m filling up my bag with canned goods a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “I need bacon.”

Me: “Seriously?”

Customer: “Yes, seriously! I demand to eat bacon! I will NOT start the zombie apocalypse on common canned goods.”

Me: “Well, then, try the meat section. Now if you don’t mind, I–”

Customer: “I already tried the meat section, stupid! It’s empty! I need you to go into the back and get me some!”

(I am so shocked by this customer’s attitude that I have no response. Then I realize the back does contain more canned goods that I can use, so I decide to play along and go look for his bacon. I get to the back and I see the door has just burst open with some ravenous zombies. Luckily they don’t see me and I sneak back out on to the shop floor, only to be confronted by the customer.)

Customer: Well?! Where is my d*** bacon!”

Me: “You know what, sir? There’s so much bacon back here I couldn’t carry it all. But it’s all free so why don’t you go back there and help yourself?”

Customer: *eyes light up* “Really?”

Me: “Sure! Knock yourself out.”