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    My Butter Half

    | Minnesota, USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Top

    (A couple approaches me at the movie theater’s concession stand.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I—”

    Customer: “Give me a green tea.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have green tea.”

    Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Well, fine! What DO you have?”

    (I point right behind me where all our sodas are clearly listed.)

    Customer: “Well, FINE! Give me a Diet Coke, then.”

    Customer Husband: “…And a large popcorn, please!”

    Me: “Sure! That all?”

    Customer Husband: “Yep!”

    Me: “Cool. You guys want butter on the popcorn?”

    Customer Husband: *giant smile* “Ye—”

    Customer: “Of course not! Unlike you, I have a figure to maintain! I can’t have BUTTER on my popcorn! Really, are you an idiot?!”

    (I go to get them their popcorn, but I purposely put way too much butter in the bucket and shovel a thin layer of popcorn on top to hide the butter.)

    Me: “Here you go!”

    Customer: “Well, finally!”

    Customer Husband: *whispers as his wife turns away* “Butter?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (The guy hands me a five dollar bill. To this day, my coworkers and I refer to him as ‘Butter Man.’)