Much Ado About Nothing

| Scotland, UK |

(A restaurant customer calls me over to his table with a problem.)

Me: “Is everything alright?”

Customer: “This is not a medium rare steak. It’s too over-cooked to be called medium rare.”

Me: “Would you like me to get the chef. sir?”

Customer: “I don’t want you to do a thing love”

Me: “You…don’t want me to do anything about it?”

Customer: “I don’t want you to do a thing.”

Me: “Uh, alright.”

(I leave him to it, but five minutes later he calls me over again.)

Me: “Hi, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “This is not a medium rare steak.”

Me: “Yes, you just explained it to me.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not.”

Me: “What would you like me to do about it, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t want you to do a thing.”

Me: “Would you like to speak to the chef?”

Customer: “I don’t care what you do!”

(I bring out the chef who resolves the problem; it’s apparently what the customer wanted me to do.)