More Clueless Than Keyless, Part 2

(I am working by myself at the lower level circulation desk of our library. A patron with two small children comes to check out a pile of books and hands me her key-ring with her library card on it. I scan it, hand it back, and check out her books.)

Patron: “Where are my keys? [Son], did you take my keys?”

Son: “No.”

Patron: *to me* “Did you give me my keys back?”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

(She continues looking, can’t find her keys, and begins to yell at me and at her children.)

Patron: “We are not leaving until I find my keys!”

Me: “You went to get your daughter a crayon. Might the keys be on the coloring table?”

Patron: “No! I didn’t go anywhere! They have to be here!”

(I go to check the coloring table, but I don’t see the keys. I go back and check the circulation desk again, even though I know I gave the keys back to her.)

Patron: “WHERE ARE MY KEYS?!”

(At this point, I have to help some other patrons.)

Patron: *to other patrons* “I’m sure that girl didn’t give my keys back.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have them. They aren’t at the desk.”

Patron: “WHERE ARE THEY?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Patron: “This is ridiculous! This always happens down here! It’s a d*** good thing I didn’t lock the house. How would I get in without my keys!?” *to her children* “WE’RE LEAVING!”

(She drags her children upstairs to the main circulation desk. While there, she tells them that I’ve taken her keys and won’t give them back. However, while complaining, she finds her keys in her bag. Not surprisingly, she did not come back to apologize.)