Unborn Born Again

(I’m eight months pregnant and helping an elderly lady off the bus. As soon as we’re both on the curb she turns around and puts her hands an inch over my stomach and gives me a strange look.)

Lady: “I can read the energy and aura of your baby! It’s going to be a boy!”

(It’s a girl; we had genetic testing.)

Me: “Oh, um… thank you very much.”

Lady: “I can work miraculous prayer healing! I can sense that to be healthy the baby needs to connect with Christ before it’s born! Let me pray for you!”

Me: “… okay.”

(She stands there with her hands over my stomach and rolls her eyes back in her head, silently for about thirty seconds.)

Lady: “Finished! He’s going to be a strong Christian boy!”

Me: “Alrighty, then!”

(She wandered on up the road trying to pray for other people.)