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    Me: “Your cable modem doesn’t work because you split the line to it 30 times for all the other rooms in your house. You have to put it on the first splitter. I’d be happy to rewire it for you.”

    Customer: “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!”

    Me: “Have you ever heard of cable fraud?”

    Customer: “How much was that again?”

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