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    Maybe It Got Chuck Norris’d

    | Leesburg, VA, USA |

    (A customer approaches the repair counter with a paper shopping bag, and I can hear stuff rattling around inside.)

    Customer: “I bought this computer here, and it’s broken. I want to return it.”

    (She dumps out the bag, and inside is a laptop that is broken completely in half.)

    Customer: “It was like this when I opened the box.”

    Me: “Okay… well, do you have the receipt, and the original packaging?”

    Customer: *hands me a receipt*

    Me: “Ma’am, this receipt is from three months ago.”

    Customer: “I know, I bought it three months ago but I just opened it today.”

    Me: “Well, do you have the original packaging?”

    Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

    Me: “So, let me get this straight. You opened the box, three months after buying the computer, and the laptop was broken in half, so you threw out the box?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t think I needed it.”

    Me: “I really don’t think you can return this.”

    Customer: “Alright, but you can fix it. It’s still got a manufacturer warranty.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but manufacturer warranties don’t cover accidental damage, just defects.”

    Customer: “But it’s not accidental damage! It was like this when I bought it!”

    Me: “I find that really hard to believe, and so would anyone else. Nobody in their right mind would believe that it came out of the box like this.”

    Customer: “But why would I lie about that?”

    Me: “To get a free repair? I’m sorry, I just can’t do it. Your warranty does not cover accidental damage.”

    Customer: *thinks for a moment* “But what if it wasn’t an accident?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “What if it wasn’t an accident? I did it on purpose. That’s not accidental damage.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Hmmmmmmm?”

    Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.”