Making A Whole Lot Of Noise About It

(I am calling a room as I’ve had an ‘unusual’ noise complaint. Normally, because of being the overnight shift, I would investigate in person. Given the nature of the complaint I’ve decided to use the hotel phone and call the room. After several minutes, a guest finally answers.)

Guest: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, sir. This is the front desk. We—”

Guest: “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS? HOW ABOUT A LITTLE PRIVACY? OR IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?”

(The guest continues rant for about a minute before winding down.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry about the inconvenience but we have a noise complaint near your room. The… ah, ‘sex noises,’ grunting and moaning, that have been going on for over 30 minutes are keeping other guests up. They are asking you to keep the sex down so they can sleep.”

(There is eight seconds of dead silence.)

Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

Guest: *click*

(We did not receive another noise complaint!)