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    Love Of Turquoise Makes Everyone Else Red

    | Australia | Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a fairly busy dive shop that sells a large range of snorkeling equipment as well. A couple comes in. She is about 6’0” tall, in a short and incredibly tight turquoise dress that doesn’t flatter her figure at all, wearing a turquoise necklace and very heavy turquoise make up. He is about 5’5″, bald, and very shy.)

    Woman: “Hi. I am looking for a snorkel set, but it HAS to be turquoise. It is my FAVOURITE colour!”

    Me: “Of course, not a problem. If you just turn around you’ll see our snorkel sets on the wall.”

    (I proceed to talk them through the different options, but she is very focused on the only turquoise one, which barely fits her.)

    Woman: “Ooooh, [Man], do you think I look pretty in this?! Of course you do. Should I kiss you now or in the car?”

    (At that, she throws herself at him, making them both fight for balance. His face gets deep red and he mumbles something incomprehensible, all the while she is basically licking his face. I decide to go back to the counter and give them some privacy.)

    Woman: *coming up to the counter* “Hooo-hooo! We are taking this set! It is so beautiful and my sexy stud here is buying it for me. Isn’t he CUTE!?”

    (I start ringing it up.)

    Woman: “Oh, is that a Scorpio necklace? Are you a Scorpio?”

    Me: “No, my boyfriend is. It is his necklace, but I like wearing it.”

    Woman: *pointing at the man* “Ooh, he is a Scorpio, too!” *leaning towards me* “Does your boyfriend have the same… STING in his, ahem, TAIL, as he does?” *giggles*

    (I am speechless, and the man looks like he wants to die.)

    Woman: *nudging the man* “Don’t deny it. You are such a wild one between the sheets!”

    (The man pays, grabs the set, sort of nods at me without making eye contact, and leaves.)

    Woman: “Don’t worry. I am gonna be grateful tonight!”

    (They leave.)

    Coworker: *staring at me wide eyed* “What the…?”