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    Looks Real Good, Hurts Real Bad

    | Puerto Rico | Top

    (I had a bag of large crystal beads salvaged from a chandelier. The beads were the size of my palm and very heavy. As I put them away in one of my bead boxes, a teenage girl walked up to my booth at a craft fair.)

    Girl: “Hi! I love your stuff! Do you do custom orders?”

    Me: “Yes, I do! Here, look through some of these bead boxes and tell me what you like.”

    Girl: “Okay!”

    (She looks though some boxes and gasps as she discovers the large crystal beads.)

    Girl: “I love these! Can you make a pair of earrings with these?!”

    Me: “Oh! Ha ha, those beads are for a lamp I’m making. They’re too heavy to use as earrings. May I interest you in a much smaller and lighter version of those beads?”

    Girl: “NO! I want these! They’re so pretty and…bling-bling!”

    Me: “Your piercings would sag if you wore those. Let me–”

    Girl: “No! I’m the customer and this is what I want!”

    Me: *sighing* “Fine. Come back in a few minutes, and I’ll have them done. It’ll be $12.”

    (The girl looks at some other booths while I make her earrings. She returns, asks for her earrings, and pays for them.)

    Girl: *putting on earrings “I love them! Thank you so much!”

    Me: “Okay. Thank you, and remember what I said about the beads.”

    Girl: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. The beads are like crazy light!”

    (The girl leaves, looking ridiculous with the earrings, but then returns about half an hour later.)

    Girl: “My ears are killing me!”

    Me: “I told you the beads were too heavy, but you still wanted them!”

    Girl: “It’s not the beads, it’s the wire! I must be allergic to it.”

    Me: “There’s no need to yell. I use hypoallergenic materials in all my pieces. There’s no way you can be allergic to it. It’s because the beads are too heavy. I can give you a refund, but you have to give me the earrings back.”

    Girl: “No! It must be the glass, then. I’m allergic to the glass! What kind of glass is this?”

    Me: “…allergic to glass? Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘with beauty comes pain’? Well, this explains it.”

    Girl: “Oh! I get it now! Wow, if it hurts this much I must look A-MA-ZING! *skips off*