The Fast Lane And The Furious

(My boyfriend and I are moving into a new apartment. We’ve just dropped off our rental van and are headed back to the apartment with his friend who helped us carry everything in exchange for dinner and a ride. On the way, we need to get into the fast lane, but an SUV next to us is blocking us out. And I mean intentionally blocking us – the road is clear, but if we speed up to try and pass he matches us, and if we slow down he hits the brakes. Finally, my boyfriend has had enough and pulls over my little hatchback on the side of the road.)

Me: “Baby…”

Boyfriend: “I just wanna know what this guy’s problem is!”

(Meanwhile, the SUV has also pulled over ahead of us.)

Friend: “I’ll go!”

Boyfriend: “No – you JUST totaled your car and are gonna start a fight. Stay here.”

(The guy has gotten out of his car now – he’s a fairly tall but kind of pudgy guy with a big gold chain on. My boyfriend gets out of my car – he’s a 6’4″ 260lb athlete. SUV guy immediately goes from looking ready to fight to throwing his hands up in the air.)

SUV Guy: “I was just messing with you, bro!”

Boyfriend: “Okay… Do I know you?”

SUV Guy: “No…”

Boyfriend: “Did I like, cut you off or something?”

SUV Guy: “No…”

Boyfriend: “Okay… So, are you gonna do that again?”

SUV Guy: “…No.”

Boyfriend: “Good.” *gets back into the car*

Friend: “That guy totally was gonna fight you until he actually saw you.”

Boyfriend: “I’d like to see him try; if he’d swung on me I was gonna take his f****** chain.”

(We pulled back onto the highway. The SUV waited until we were well away before pulling back on as well, and gave us a wide berth. Don’t mess with strangers on the road, people!)

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!