Won’t Be Taking It Like A Señorita

(I go to religious private school where Bible classes are required. My friends and I like to jokingly call it Defense Against the Dark Arts because we never have the same teacher for more than a year. Our teachers are usually pastors or youth group leaders from local churches and are usually known by a portion of the students. This year we have a new teacher that no one has ever heard of and no one knows what church he goes to. It is the first day of class and we begin with prayer.)

Teacher: “Okay, thank you for sharing your requests. Now bow your heads.”

Class: *bows*

Teacher: “Dear Lord, we thank you for this wonderful day…” *goes on to bless the school year and give us strength to face our foes, the usual spiel for every Bible teacher* Lead us from temptation, and please make me not think about the little señoritas. Amen.”

(Our class is mostly girls. We all look around at each other like, ‘did he say what I think he said?’)

Teacher: “All right, now to begin. I see most of you already have your bibles; however, that is not what we will be using this year. For my class, we will be using the study bibles.”

(These special study bibles cost over $75. When the parents are notified of this, half of them complain to the teacher, while the other half tell their children that they will not be buying another bible when the students already have one. This requirement is soon removed. They also did hear about his ‘señorita’ comment; apparently in the other class he said ‘Please prevent me from doing the little chicas.’ The principal and his office assure everyone that they will speak with him. But wait, there’s more. The teacher starts telling a story about two brothers in the Amazon and how they are captured by a indigenous tribe and is about to kill one of them. No one remembers the story because the teacher has grabbed a handful of push pins.)

Teacher: “And the younger brother–” *squeezes the hand of push pins* “–gave his life, to save his brother.” *starts crying and keeps squeezing the pins*

(Literally no one is reacting to the story and is just staring at his hand and is silent for the rest of class. The school is less than 100 students so everyone knows about it before the end of the day. And another moment, the teacher is talking about how atheists are going to Hell.)

Girl: “But, Mr. [Teacher], we were always taught that atheists are just confused and need to learn how to find Jesus themselves.” *most of us now know that’s not true, but we were 11-13 and just believed the adults* “But they still deserve love and respect just like everyone else, and God still loves them.”

Teacher: “Well, that’s not right. Atheists are immoral and don’t deserve the wonders of Heaven.”

Girl: “But it says in verse—”

Teacher: “No, it doesn’t; you are lying! I see your little Pinocchio nose growing.”

Class: “What?”

Teacher: “Her spiritual Pinocchio nose it growing. You are a child and know nothing of what God says.”

Girl: “But…”

(The girl’s parents just happened to be heavily involved with the school board. So when she told her parents and had the class verify it, they went straight to the principal’s office. He also never stopped his ‘señorita’ or ‘little chica’ comments and it was starting to freak everyone out. The principal spoke with the teacher again and apparently, the teacher quit on the spot and told him that the school was ‘too unholy’ for his teachings. The principal had to takeover the class until they could find a replacement.)