Laughing All The Way To The (Other) Bank

(I have recently received a promotion and bonus, so I’ve decided to open a savings account at the bank where I currently hold a checking account. I’m talking to an account representative at the branch I’ve been using for three years. Because I do not drive I use a state-issued ID card in lieu of a driver’s license as identification.)

Me: “I’d like to open a savings account; I have $[total] to deposit initially.

Representative: “Great! Just fill out these papers and provide your driver’s license.”

(I hand her my ID card.)

Representative: “This isn’t a driver’s license. You need to have a driver’s license to open an account here.”

Me: “That is an official ID issued by the Commonwealth. It’s legally acceptable.”

Representative: “No, it has to be a driver’s license. I’m just asking for the same identification the teller would ask you for!”

Me: “No, the tellers are all aware that both of the ID cards are legally acceptable proof of identification. I don’t have a driver’s license as I cannot drive.”

Representative: “I’m sorry. If you don’t have a driver’s license you won’t be able to open an account today.”

Me: “Oh, well. In that case I’d like to close my account.”

Representative: “…close your account? But you haven’t opened one!”

Me: “Yes, as a matter of fact, I opened account [number] three years ago. However, since you’re no longer accepting my government-issued ID and I will no longer be able to cash my checks here, I’ll be closing that now.”

(I took everything to the bank across the street, and got a better interest rate on my brand-new savings account than I would have done at my former bank.)