Just Plain Nuts

Customer: “So, does the Rocky Road have peanuts in it? I’m allergic to peanuts.”

Me: “I’m afraid it does, sir. I’d recommend the Cookie Dough; it’s very good.”

Customer: “No, no, I’ve had that before. Thanks for telling me about the Rocky Road though. Allergies, you know?”

Me: “Yes, sir, my friend is very allergic to peanuts, too.”

Customer: “You’re such a nice girl. All right, I think I’ll have vanilla with the peanut butter candy on top.”

Me: “Sir? Um… the candy has p—”

Customer: “Look, kiddo, you were a big help but gimme my darn ice cream, okay? I’m in a bit of a hurry!”

Me: “Sir, you just told me you had a peanut allergy. I can’t in good conscience give you that topping.”

Customer: “You’re a teenager. You don’t have a conscience! You’re probably waiting for your boyfriend to show up so you can have sex and do drugs!”

Me: *dumbstruck*

Other Customer: “Hey, jerkface, she’s trying to tell you that the candy has peanuts in it! For not having a conscience, she’s being pretty nice about keeping you out of the hospital!”

Customer: *leaves in a huff*

Other Customer: “I’m not allergic to peanuts or delusional. One Rocky Road!”