I Married A Cheeter

(It’s the day of our first anniversary, and my husband asks me if I want to go to dinner at around six pm, in about two hours. I don’t respond; instead I grab a bag of hot Cheetos that I haven’t opened yet, as I think about it.)

Husband: “If you don’t eat those right now, we can go to dinner at six.”

Me: *stares him dead in the eye as I open the bag and shove a handful of hot Cheetos into my mouth*

Husband: “Stop eating those! We can get dinner at six if you stop eating those!”

Me: “I bought them. They’re mine!” *I continue to shovel more hot Cheetos in my mouth*