It’s A Telephone, Not a Teleporter

(Customer calls in asking about her balance and bank charges. Just to emphasise this conversation take place over a telephone.)

Me: “Your balance is [amount] into an unplanned overdraft but you have until 3 pm tomorrow to credit your account and you’ll avoid any charges.”

Her: “Hmmm, well I got some money but I won’t be able to get into my branch tomorrow. Can’t I just pay it in over the phone?”

Me: “From another account?”

Her: “No from the same account.”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand, the account is overdrawn. You need funds from another source.”

Her: “I know, I have some from my account.”

Me: “You mean cash?”

Her: “Yeah could I do that?”

Me: “No, you would have to go into your branch to pay that in.”

Her: “I just said I can’t make it to my branch! Why can’t you just pay this in? You’re a bank aren’t you?!”

Me: “Excuse me, but just how would you expect me to pay this money in?”

(Silence, during which I would like to imagine she is looking at the money and the phone, trying to jam it in there or something.)

Her: “But it’s from my account! Can’t you just take it off the overdraft!”

Me: “I understand what you’re saying, but unless we invent a teleporter to transfer your money directly into your account it will be impossible for me to take a cash payment.”

Her: “But I’ll be charged! If I get charges I want them refunded, this is ridiculous! I can’t understand why you can’t just put my account in credit!”

Me: *dying a little on the inside* “Me neither, me neither…”