He’s Got Nowhere Else To Go

(My wife calls me on a Friday to give a quick update on a few things.)

Wife: “Is there any way you can come home early?”

Me: “Depends on how early. It’s Friday before Christmas and there’s a lot going on.”

Wife: “Well, the ice storm is expected to start around 2 pm. I’d feel better if you come home early.”

Me: “The last I heard this morning it wasn’t supposed to start until tonight.”

Wife: “I just watched the weather and they have changed the forecast.”

(My office is a mix of hourly and salary folks. Management likes those of us on salary not to leave early when hourly folk can’t go. They especially don’t like us to leave before 3:30 pm, which is when the hourly folks who come in early can go.)

Me: “Well, you know how it is here. I’ve got an iron chain around my ankle.”

Wife: “So?”

Me: *exaggerating further* “And they have guards. And dogs. And guard towers with machine guns. You know how it is.”

Wife: “What about I come up, walk in there, and carry you out?”

Me: “Oh, like at the end of An Officer And A Gentlemen? I’m wearing a hat like she was wearing. That would be sweet. I could toss it up in the air and have my coworkers cheer me on as we leave together.”

Wife: “You do realize that you’re switching the gender roles on this? Right?”

Me: “You know I don’t care when it comes to romance with you. I look at it as a ‘win-win’ when I’m with you.”

Wife: “I’m not carrying you.”