Me: “Thank you for calling [internet company], you have reached [name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “The internet isn’t working again!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, how long has it not been working?”

Customer: “Since all the weird lights last night!”

Me: “Oh okay, well what are the lights on the modem doming now?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know, its covered in tinfoil!”

Me: “Ma’am that a terrible fire hazard! You need to unwrap that now!”

Customer: “Absolutely not! Its the only way to keep the aliens out! I would rather burn the house down than allow them into my computer!”

Me: “I’m sorry…aliens?”

Customer: “Yes, aliens! And those weird lights outside, I told you! That’s why it’s not working!”

(I hear her handling aluminum foil and a dog barking in the background.)

Customer: “So are you going to get me a new modem or not?”

Me: “Certainly, just a moment.”

Customer: “That’s what I thought! Now hurry up! I need to go rewrap the dog!”