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    I’m Afraid I Can’t Allow You To Speak To Dave

    | Manchester, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in the debt recovery department of a national mail order company. The department is small, and the only white men are our senior managers, neither of whom are connected to the telephone system in any way. All the other men are Asian, and have traditional Asian names. I am female, and have quite a high-pitched voice. About half an hour after dealing with a perfectly nice, male customer, he calls back and gets me again.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! You’re speaking to [My Name] again. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *yelling* “I was talking to Dave earlier, and he’s completely f***** everything up!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; you must be mistaken. You spoke to me earlier, and your payment plan was sorted out. We agreed to—”

    Customer: “I’ve never spoken to you! I spoke to Dave! I want you to transfer me to him so he can sort this s*** out!”

    Me: “Sir, please refrain from swearing. I can assure you, you did not speak to ‘Dave.’ There is no one here by that name. You spoke to me at [time] this afternoon.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a f****** liar?”

    Me: “Sir, please stop using language like that, otherwise I will have to terminate this call. I think you might be mistaking us for another company you may have called today. Not only is there no-one called ‘Dave,’ but my user ID is the only one to access your account in the last month, and I recall speaking to you earlier.”

    (The customer starts screaming so loud, I turn the volume down on my headset. My colleagues are getting distracted by the noise, and even my manager is peering over at me. Eventually he stops for breath.)

    Me: “Sir, there is no point in me lying to you, as you clearly don’t believe me. Why would I make my life and yours difficult by continuing to ‘lie’ to you? Also, the idea that I could be mistaken for a man is… Well, I don’t even…”

    (At this point, my colleagues are all either laughing, or trying not to because they’re on the phone to other customers. My manager’s eyes have gone wide.)

    Manager: “Hang up, and I’ll call him back.”

    (I do as I’m told. Two minutes later, my manager comes over, grinning widely.)

    Manager: “He admitted straight away he might have been wrong, and paid up.”