Patron: “I would like to make a complaint about God.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Patron: “I come in here all the time! I am told this is the house of God and I never see him!”

Me: “You do realize that you won’t physically ‘see’ God in the Church? House of God means you can come here to communicate with him, or seek counsel from those who do.”

Patron: “Is that you?”

Me: “I am qualified, yes.”

Patron: “So you’re in direct communication with God?”

Me: “I interpret the scriptures for guidance, and I pray. I don’t have direct communication.”

Patron: “So you’re not with God?”

Me: “I study him and his will.”

Patron: “You’re not friends?”

Me: “No.”

Patron: “Not even colleagues?”

Me: “No.”

Patron: “Anyone around here higher up that might be?”

Me: “No more than anyone else I’m afraid.”

Patron: “What about that Pope guy? He’s always talking about what God said.”

Me: “You could try.”

Patron: “Is he around? Can you call him down?”