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    If By “Everyone”, You Mean Morons Like Yourself

    | Breda, The Netherlands |

    Customer: “I got just back from my vacation and all of a sudden my internet connection isn’t working anymore. Have you got a technical problem in my area or something.”

    Me: “No ma’am, as far as I know there aren’t any problems at this moment. Can you check which status lights are burning on your modem?”

    (Now this is a standard check we do to troubleshoot; it’s very easy to tackle when something’s going wrong.)

    Customer: “Alright, well, all lights are off. Are you sure there couldn’t be a problem on your side?”

    Me: “No miss, there aren’t any problems. I checked it when you were checking the status lights. But they were all off, you said?”

    Customer: “Yeah, there wasn’t a light burning on my modem. What could that mean?”

    Me: “Well, that could mean two things: Either the modem is broken or…”

    Customer: “No, it can’t be broken, it’s almost brand new! You just want me to buy a new one so that it’s not your problem anymore, am I right?”

    Me: “Well, to be honest: You’re not. I didn’t even finish my sentence yet. I said the modem COULD be broken, and if it’s broken and still brand new you’ll get a new one. The problem could also be that the power plug isn’t connected to the outlet properly. Maybe you’ve forgotten to plug it in after you came home from your holiday?”

    Customer: “Are you implying that I’m so dumb that I’d forget that? It’s just broken so send me a new one!”

    Me: “No, I’m not. But could you please check it, just to be sure?”

    Customer: “Alright then…”

    (After a minute.)

    Customer: “Yeah, you were right, it wasn’t connected. But I’m sure this could happen to everyone!”

    Me: “I suppose so. Have a nice day!”