What An A**-Holes

(I have just had a great first date with a cool guy, and we head back to his place. He’s an alien species I can’t immediately identify, but he’s very attractive and I am eager to get started.)

Him: “I think you’re really hot.”

Me: “I think you’re really hot, too.”

(We start to get a bit frisky. We start to remove each other’s clothes, when I notice that he has quite a few tentacles, extra appendages, and a few holes contained in interesting places on his body.)

Me: “Uhm…”

Him: “What’s the matter?”

Me: “I think I’m going to need a map.”

Him: “Haha, don’t worry. I don’t know much about your anatomy either. Let’s just see how it goes and we’ll go from there?”

(I think that is fair enough, and we start fooling around. I start to kiss him passionately for a few minutes, but then I feel one of his ‘appendages’ start to caress my butt hole.)

Me: “Uhh, what are you doing?!”

Him: “I thought you were into that?”

Me: “What? No! What made you think I like to be caressed where I poop from?! I wouldn’t assume to do that to you!”

Him: “What do you think you’ve been sticking your tongue into these last ten minutes?”