I Smell A Rat

(In the province of Alberta, there are no rats, thanks to a massive government pest control program. I work my way through college on a gravel crusher crew. When I am transferred to the night shift, the night supervisor tries to scare me.)

Supervisor: “Hey, you gotta be careful when you’re out there, inspecting the gravel piles!”

Me: “Oh? Why is that?”

Supervisor: “Well, because rats like to hide in the gravel piles!”

Me: “Really?”

Supervisor: “Yup. I was out there earlier tonight and I saw a couple of big ones scurry around and hide in the piles.”

Me: “Well, it was nice working here.”

Supervisor: “What? You’re not going to quit because of a few rats, are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m not quitting. But the government’s gonna shut this place down.”

Supervisor: *panicking* “What? Why?”

Me: “Well, there are no rats in Alberta because the government killed them all. If you’ve seen evidence of rats, we have to report it to the government.”

Supervisor: “WHAT?”

Me: “Yeah. The government’s probably gonna shut this place down for the rest of the summer while they come in here, go hunting for the rats’ nest, and kill them all.”

Supervisor: “You’re kidding.”

Me: “Nope. Have you called this in yet?”

Supervisor: “I DIDN’T SEE ANY RATS!”

Me: “Are you sure? Maybe I should call this in anyway, just to be safe.”

Supervisor: “I DIDN’T SEE ANY RATS! I WAS JUST TRYING TO SCARE YOU! DON’T SHUT US DOWN!”

Me: “Really? I highly doubt you’d joke about something so serious.”

Supervisor: “THERE AREN’T ANY RATS! THERE AREN’T ANY RATS! I MADE IT UP!”

Me: “Okay, then.”

(I didn’t get any more trouble from him the rest of the summer.)