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    I Sense A Schism

    | Gulfport, MS, USA |

    (I work for a bookstore that sells bibles. We get a lot of interesting customers that call…)

    Me: “***, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have the book of Chronicles?”

    Me: “Do you want a commentary for it?”

    Customer: “No. You know, the book of Chronicles that they talk about in the bible. Do you have that?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Have you ever read a bible?”

    Me: “Yes, I have…”

    Customer: “Well, I’m looking for the book of Chronicles.”

    Me: “Let me search our computer system and see if I can find something.” *I pretend to search the computer* “The only thing I can find is the actual books in the bible called first and second Chronicles.”

    Customer: “Do y’all have that in the store? Where’s it at?”

    (I pull a bible off the shelf and tell him the exact location of the books.)

    Customer: “I’ve never seen that in any of my bibles.”

    Me: “Sir, these two books have been in here for over 2,000 years.”

    Customer: “Not in any bible I’ve read!”

    (After the customer finally hung up, I asked my manager to shoot me.)