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    How To Show-Up A Show-Off

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Top

    (Note: I’m a male customer at a coffee shop. I’m standing in line behind an obnoxious man and a beautiful blonde woman he’s unsuccessfully trying to chat up. The server is a young girl who appears to be new at her job.)

    Man: “Excuse me! I ordered a non-fat, non-sugar orange mocha chip frappuccino! This isn’t non-fat, and there’s no whip cream on it.”

    Barista: “I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll remake it immediately.”

    Man, to the blonde woman: “What is up with these guys!? They screw everything up.”

    Barista: “Here’s your drink sir. I hope this one is up to standard.”

    Man: “What are you, f***ing retarded?! This is a plain mocha frappuccino! I wanted an orange chip mocha frappuccino! Get it f***ing right!”

    (The barista remakes his drink again, but is clearly on the verge of tears.)

    Man: “Oh my God, you people need to learn to speak English! I said non-fat. Don’t tell me it is non-fat, because I can taste—”

    (At this point, the blonde woman decides she’s had enough of the man and interrupts him.)

    Blonde woman: *in a strong Irish accent* “WILL YOU STOP BEING A JERK FOR FIVE F***ING MINUTES?! The girl has made the d*** coffee perfectly this time—I watched her! And, even if she hasn’t, she’s young and clearly new at her job. It’s a f***ing coffee! Cut her some slack!”

    Man: “Excuse me, but I want what I asked for! I don’t see why that’s so hard!”

    Blonde woman: “She probably looked at you, assumed you were a man, and was therefore completely confused by your non-fat non-sugar orange mocha chip frappuccino order. Real men drink real coffee, and they don’t bully teenage girls until they cry. Now, can you please stop being an almighty dickhead, and just f*** off?!”

    (Everyone in the coffee shop claps, and the man leaves, embarrassed. I paid for the blonde woman’s coffee, and found out she is from the same part of Ireland as me. One thing led to another, and I asked her to marry me this Christmas. She said yes!)