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    How Do These People Remember How To Breathe?

    , | Rockford, IL |

    (Older lady comes in, doesn’t know me, yet decides to make me intimately knowledgeable about her husband’s surgery; she eventually runs out of steam when I don’t respond and looks around at the books on the shelves)

    Lady: “I like books.”

    Me: “Good! Anything you’re looking for?”

    Lady: *ignores my question* “I saw on TV that books are good to have because they make your house look nice.”

    Me: *barely stifling a smile* “Really? I heard they’re also good to read.”

    Lady: (Evidently, my comment goes right over her) “And you can use them to prop up the bed.”

    (Her husband buys books, and then swiftly escorts her out)