July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Hot Tub Size Machine

| Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

(I work as a lifeguard at a swimming pool in a hotel. On the pool deck, we also have a large hot tub. As a rule, kids aren’t allowed in the tub for more than 15 minutes due to health hazards. I notice a kid, no older than six, who has been in the tub longer than 15 minutes.)

Me: “I’m sorry, young man, but you are going to have to get out of the hot tub now.”

Kid: “No!”

Kid’s Mom: “Sweety, you need to come back in the pool now. The nice lady said that you had to get out.”

Kid: “I don’t wanna!”

(His mom gives me this lost, “no clue what to do” look.)

Me: “Hey, I know you are a big, strong, tough guy and all, and you can probably handle a lot worse than me. However, I gotta tell you: the thing about these hot tubs is that they stunt your growth.”

Kid: *worried* “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means that you shrink. I remember when I was your age, I hung out in a hot tub for twenty minutes, and I shrank to the size of a Barbie doll. Never did grow back to my original size, either.”

(The kid looks more than a little worried now, but obviously still doesn’t want to get out.)

Me: “…And to be honest, you look a little smaller than you did when you first got in.”

(I have never seen someone get out of a hot tub so fast in my life.)