With Waves Of Rainbows And Sprays Of Glitter

(I am swimming with a few friends on a hot day. A ball splashes next to me and I see a woman swimming up. I hold onto it until she gets to me. I am male.)

Me: “Sorry, but balls aren’t allowed in the water on this part of the beach. You can use them on the sand though.”

Woman: *snide* “And how would you know!”

Me: “My husband is a lifeguard on duty. I know a lot of the rules.”

(Her eyes widen and she looks me up and down before turning and swimming away.)

Woman: “Kids, get out of water! Quick!”

(Her children protest.)

Woman: “There’s a [slur]! It’s in the water. It’ll turn the whole ocean gay!” *turns back* It’s already happening!”

(My friends and I watch as three children and the mother sprint out of the water and into their car. They’re still wet as they drive off.)

Friend #1: “That was really weird.”

Me: “What did she mean, ‘It’s already happening?’”

Friend #2: “Oh, [Friend #3] and I decided to start snogging when we realised where it was headed.”

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