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    His Tone Requires A Gear Shift

    | UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (My uncle owns a chain of bike shops. We’re having a meal with my grandparents, and have gathered at the shop waiting for my cousin to finish his shift. An obnoxious customer is giving him trouble.)

    Customer: “You are useless! Do you even know anything about bikes?”

    Cousin: “When I’m not here, I race them.”

    Customer: “Don’t take that tone with me!”

    Cousin: “I wasn’t trying to take any tone—”

    Customer: “Do you know who I am?! I’m the owner’s brother, and I will have you fired!”

    (I am unable to contain myself, and turn to my brother.)

    Me: “Did you hear that, bro? We’ve got another uncle!”

    Customer: “…What?”

    (The customer turns to see the crowd of us waiting.)

    Dad: “I have another brother?”

    Granddad: *to my grandmother* “Was this while I was away at sea? How could you?”

    Grandmother: “All the jokes about a child in every port, and you were hiding THIS?”

    Customer: “I… er…”

    Uncle: “Well you don’t need to ring me; I’m here already! What has my son done this time?”

    (The customer runs out. My dad starts shouting after him in a bad Italian accent.)

    Dad: “You don’t a messa with the family!”

    Grandmother: *to my granddad* “Well that one’s definitely yours.”