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    His Bigness Is None Of Your Business

    | Texas, USA |

    Me: “Hello this is ***, *** speaking, how may I assist you?”

    Customer: “Ah, hello. ¬†I was just wondering… you see, I run an adult dance club outside of town.You know, with male strippers and such.”

    Me: “… uh huh.”

    Customer: ¬†”Well, we order our clothing through a store usually, on the internet. ¬†But I have a new man and we need some clothes for him and he’s… large.”

    Me: “… uh… huh?”

    Customer: “Well he… he’s very large.”

    Me: “Um, well… what.. was your question?”

    Customer: “Oh. ¬†Well,¬†I was wondering what kind of fabric you might recommend for a someone in our business.”

    Me: “Oh. ¬†Well, I would think something black. ¬†We have some see-through stuff. ¬†I might suggest a shimmer see through fabric. ¬†We have some of those…”

    Customer: “Oh good, good. Well, how much fabric do you think we’d need?”

    Me: “Well, it depends on his size.¬†If you take some measurements, I can–”

    Customer: “Well, the thing is… it’s his… his business. ¬†Can I tell you about his business…?”

    Me: “Go ahead…”

    Customer: ¬†”He is 12 inches long and three inches wide. ¬†Three inches! Have you ever heard of such a thing!”

    Me: “No, can’t say I have…”

    Customer: ¬†”Three inches wide! ¬†I didn’t even know they made them that wide. ¬†Do you know anyone like that? ¬†That long and that wide?”

    Me: “Uh… well, my friend is… I’ve never seen him… but his girlfriend tells me he’s… exceptionally… long.”

    Customer: “Oh? ¬†Your friend?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “But you’ve never seen it?”

    Me: *inwardly wanting to die* “No.”

    Customer: “Would he be interested in exotic male dancing?”

    Me: “Let’s focus on the fabrics. So you want to know how much you’ll need.¬†Now, I can’t see you needing more than two yards in total. ¬†Probably less.”

    Customer: “And that will cover his business…?”

    Me: “That… will cover… his business.”

    Customer: ¬†”Because he’s big. Now your friend, how did you say you knew he was so big?”

    Me: “Okay… you know what? ¬†I’m terribly sorry but my job isn’t to recruit my friends for an exotic dance club. ¬†Why don’t you measure your man, bring me the measurements and I will show you how much you need.”

    Customer: “Now, is he a black man?”

    Me: “Thanks for your call… goodbye.” ¬†*click*