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    Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman With Fake Stones

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    (A woman comes up to the counter with a tennis bracelet.)

    Customer: “I’d like to have this professionally cleaned, please.”

    Me: “We’d be happy to do that for you. Can you give me the value so that we can put that on the form for insurance?”

    Customer: “Of course. It’s worth $15,000.”

    Me: “Ma’am, for such a high value, I’ll need to verify that these are actually diamonds.”

    Customer: “Of course they’re real diamonds! My husband gave that to me for our anniversary, and said it was diamonds!”

    (I go and get our diamond tester from the back.¬†If the stones are diamonds, the machine will beep.¬†I test the bracelet in front of her. It doesn’t beep.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these are more than likely cubic zirconia, and the highest value I could insure this bracelet for is $2,000.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you! Your machine must be broken!”

    (I reach into the display case, and pull out a diamond ring. I silently test multiple stones, and the machine beeps as it should.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s functioning properly. We’ll be happy to send your bracelet out for cleaning, but will only be able to insure it for $2,000.”

    (The woman’s face at this point is so contorted with rage she looks like she’s going to pop. She snatches the bracelet up and runs out of the store.)

    Manager: “I’d like to be a fly on the wall, when he gets home!”