Hell Hath No Fury Like A Customer Scorned

Me: *on the phone* “Thanks for calling [Company] Networks, how can I help you?”

Caller: “I already called once today – I want you to stop sending me emails!”

Me: “You’re getting emails from us? What do they say?”

Caller: “It’s a bunch of delivery failure messages. I’ve gotten two thousand of them today, and I want you to fix it NOW!”

(I start explaining how spammers forge emails, causing these kinds of delivery failure messages, and I begin to offer a workaround.)

Caller: “NO! Stop bull-s****ing me, just fix it NOW!”

Me: “I’m trying to tell you that it’s not a matter of ‘fixing’ anyth–”

Caller: “HEY! Can I just say something? I know a lot of stuff, and I know you can fix this, so JUST DO IT!”

Me: “Well, it’s…”

Caller: “JUST FIX IT! How long have you been Mr. Dumas?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Caller: “Mr. Dumas! How long have you been Mr. Dumas?!”

Me: “Is that a pun?”

Caller: “Yes, and you’re a f***ing idiot! If you had half a brain, you’d be smart! So are you going to fix it or not?”

Me: “Sure.”

Caller: “Well, seeing as how you never asked for my name, I think you’re just trying to blow me off!”

Me: “As I said, it’s not a matter of ‘fixing’ anything…”

Caller: “Do you know who I am?!”

Me: “No, you never told me your name.”

Caller: “That’s right! And I’m not going to! I’m going to keep calling and wasting your time like you’ve wasted mine! I bet you could have handled five customers in the time we’ve been on the phone!”

Me: “Yes, you’re probably right.”

Caller: “Well, I’m just going to keep calling!”

Me: “Who will that benefit?”

Caller: “ME!”

Me: “How?”

Caller: “VENGEANCE!”